drunk voicemails ➟ ethma

2.5

twenty-five | i'm so sorry

ETHAN
MONDAY | ONE DRINK

Ethan looked down and saw his hands shaking. He could feel his whole body tremble and he knew he was going to have to deal with it. He made the choice to become an alcoholic so he's going to have to suffer the consequences of the withdrawal symptoms. He wish he had found a better way to have coped, but perhaps drinking was the best option compared to others.

The voices in his mind were no longer from Ryan or Emma, it was now his own demanding one. They urged him to get a drink, to get in his car and drive to a bar. His thoughts raced with the thought of getting drunk. Knowing he was incapable of resisting them alone, he picked up his phone and called Emma.

However, he was still blocked from the last time he called, so his call never went through like he wished it had.

His mind went blank as his body took control and led him to his car. He wanted to go to Emma's, he knew that was best, but his body didn't. Ethan numbly followed his own actions, being unable to completely control them. He couldn't think clearly, every thought was clouded by the overwhelming one of how he would feel once he got a drink.

He watched as he passed the turn to Emma's and kept driving straight. He was disassociating from himself as he could only watch from third person as he made a reckless decision.

For the last day or so, he was going through multiple mood swings. He would feel calm, then abruptly feel angry at the world even though he knew things were okay. Ethan felt very far from himself.

As he parked in a spot belonging to the bar, he took the key out of the ignition and banged his head against the steering wheel, barely avoiding the horn. A flood of sadness overtook him as he reconnected to himself. He knew he shouldn't be here, he wanted to be with Emma.

Ethan began crying, soaking the sleeves of his hoodie in his own tears as he furiously wiped them away. He tried to think of other ways to contact Emma, but he was blocked on all social media platforms and she must have forgotten to undo that after they resolved their broken friendship.

"I'm sorry, Emma." He mumbled before he got out of the car and entered the doors of the bar.

He only allowed himself one drink. His body needed a relief from the symptoms but he didn't want to disappoint her and Grayson anymore. He hated that he was incapable of stopping himself from making these poor choices.

With only one beer, he hadn't even reached being tipsy. He did, however, feel satisfaction from his urge. Now being able to control his actions better, he drove to Emma's fully willing to admit to what he had done.

The drive was short, short enough that he didn't have the chance to ruminate on what he had just done and start crying again.

When he reached Emma's door, he thought to himself that this sight was much better than that of a bar's. He knocked, and stood back awaiting for Emma to appear.

Once she had, he immediately took her in for a hug. That was when he started crying again. He felt the comfort of her arms and the warmth of her skin. This feeling outweighed the one he received from alcohol.

"E, what's wrong?" She asked, leading them into her home so they were no longer in the doorway.

"I had another drink, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to but I couldn't stop myself. It was like I disassociated from my body and all I could do was watch. I tried to call but you never unblocked me." He rambled.

Emma was soon filled with regret. It totally passed her mind to unblock him. After he departed from his visit the other day, she was lost in overthinking about everything that had occurred.

She pulled out her phone when Ethan was fairly calm and unblocked him from her contacts and all social media, "Ethan, I'm so sorry. It's not your fault, I know this is hard for you."

He nodded and followed her inside. Ethan sat on the couch and Emma went to the kitchen to get him some water. She handed him a smart water with the sports cap and told him to drink.

"We need to have a plan ready for whenever you feel like drinking." She said, Ethan nodding in agreement. "If it's a bearable urge, just call me, but if you feel like you can't control your actions, have Grayson or an uber take you over here."

Ethan simply hugged Emma in response. He didn't know how to thank her enough. He was lucky she took him back as a friend and was willing to go to this effort to help him recover. It was clear to him that he couldn't lose her again.

Emma could see the thunderstorm that erupted around him, he was going through a rough patch and she knew she had to be there for him. He leaned his head on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her once again. Her comfort brought him peace in this time of distress.

"I'm so glad I have you back." Ethan mumbled into her shoulder.

He of course had Grayson to support him but once he mended his friendship with Emma, he just wanted her loving touch. She would wipe his tears away and for a moment he felt okay. It made him forget all of the awful memories and focus on her words. Talking to his brother about it only brought up the moment they were stuck in the car with him and he wanted to forget about his past now.

"I'll always be here for you, Ethan."