drunk voicemails ➟ ethma

2.3

twenty-three | resentment

EMMA
↚ FLASHBACK | TWO YEARS AGO

"I'm sorry Emma. We can't be friends anymore. At least, not right now." Ethan says.

Why would he say that? That was such an intense demand, especially for no reason, or at least none that she could think of. They had been friends for the last year and a half and they never once had a fight. Was this their first? It was a fight Emma didn't even understand.

The worst part about it all, was that he left with no explanation, claiming he was unable to tell her. It only allowed her mind to wander rampantly in the endless possibilities of why. She feared that the reason why he couldn't give a reason, was that he didn't want to hurt her feelings. It was safe to say this hurt more.

It was a selfish demand to not be able to ask any questions. She had a million of them and they would all go unanswered.

Ethan made a couple attempts to reach out and touch her, but she felt like he didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve for their friendship to be randomly ended, and he definitely didn't deserve to comfort her in something he had caused. None of it made sense.

She felt a twinge in her heart when she had shoved him back, but he wouldn't leave. She couldn't suffer another second of staring into his pitiful eyes, so she had to take matters into her own hands, as hard as it felt.

After Emma slammed the door, she fell back against it and finally let her emotions pour. She didn't want to show him that he hurt her, she felt vulnerable and she couldn't even express it to the person she normally had before.

It felt like a breakup, but the funny thing is, they weren't even in a relationship. It was more like a friend breakup. Over the course of the last few months, she was developing an infatuation with him but she never told him. So it really did feel like he had broken up with her.

Sobs racked through her body as all her emotions rose to the surface. She didn't understand why he stopped answering her texts and why he always let her phone calls ring through and why he had to come over to see her to end things. Wouldn't a simple phone call have sufficed? She thinks she would have preferred that, but really, that would have been worse as much as she didn't want to admit it.

She hated that he had this much of an effect on her. Emma wished this pain could all go away. She wouldn't have wanted their friendship to have never began, but then this wouldn't be happening and this hurt would be nonexistent.

Her hands covered her face as she felt tears pushing their way through. She couldn't control the endless stream that fell, all she could do was allow it until it had ran its course. Of course this wouldn't be the last time she cried about this, but crying was truly exhausting.

However, when the tears had ceased, she began to mull over what went wrong. She drowned herself in an oversized hoodie and curled under the covers of her bed as she tried to sleep. Her thoughts wouldn't permit that, though. All she could think about was the infinite faults she could have possessed to have caused this.

Perhaps she was too annoying and Ethan got sick of that, or maybe she was too emotional for him and he didn't know how to act. It could have been that she was possibly too clingy, and asked to hang out with him more than he wanted and pitied her for her lack of friends. Nothing was able to be ruled out because an answer would never arise on its own. She blamed herself for all of this.

Ethan abandoned her and as much as she wanted to text him, she knew it would be merely left on read once again. It was torturous not knowing.

Emma didn't want to start over and make new friends. No one could ever replace the rambunctious twins. She figured if she couldn't hang out with Ethan, it was better if she didn't try to involve herself with Grayson either. It would only make things complicated as she tried to avoid him. He might not have wanted to be friends, either.

She hated being left alone, it only amplified her dangerous thoughts that left her self conscious and sad. She mourned over their friendship like she had suffered the death of a friend. Emma didn't know how long this would last but she assumed it would be for a while, and at what point would she finally get over it?

Deep down, she hoped he would knock on her door again and take everything back. She didn't want to believe this was real. She didn't care either if she was making a mountain out of a molehill and being dramatic. She truly cared for him and genuinely valued what they had together. Now she doesn't know if Ethan had even felt the same about her.

Eventually her sadness turned to resentment and she was angry at herself for not seeing this sooner and at him for being such an asshole. Her thoughts turned into a maze she could never escape, as it consumed her each and every day.

She wanted to get to a point where she stopped associating things with him so she could finally get him out of her mind. That was going to be a difficult task. But then again, nothing about this was simple.