Avengers, Spideyson and Irondad... What is going to happen now? Drabbles

Let the tears fall

Guys, I haven't written in a while, I am reallt sorry... I have had exams, tests, projects, works, too much things for one person, and I am just exhausted... I will continue with the request as soon as I am free of this jail I call school...

I said I would never do a dad story, but I need to let some stress out and I need something sad...

Warning: Triggering action
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It is today.

One year ago I lost him, and it was my fault. I could have save him, but I didn't because I am not a superhero, I am useless and worthless.

I went to school and ignored my friends. Flash taunted more than any other day, but I deserve it, each part of it. If I wasn't so stubborn...

'You know, what is your problem Peter? That you are a bad person. You keep telling yourself you help others because you want to help, but you feel guilty. And you know why? Because you know it was your fault'

I continue walking towards the car Happy's waiting in and then I stayed silent the rest of the journey to home. Only speaking to say good afternoon, thanks and see you, to not look rude.

I go straigth towards my room avoiding everyone, only saying hi to friday, I lock the door of my room and flop down on my bed.

I have had a lot of school work lately, and I have made more patrol hours. I had 2 missions last week, I made mistakes in both of them, I keep training with Nat and I just cannot focus.

I can't even concentrate, I am such a failure. I buried my face on my pillow and let out a frustrated scream. I am Spiderman, I should know how to handle this things, I can't just forget the ones who need me, those who I protect. I feel like I am just a burden to Tony, to Pepper, to Ned, to MJ, to the team, to everyone.

I feel cold and numb. I feel alone. I feel... trapped. The walls in my room start to close around me, I feel my throat and chest very tight. 'You are alone, you are failure, You are trapped' goes again and again through my head.

I can't feel or focus on my surrounding and try to calm my breath... 'In and out, in and out, in and out' I start to breath normally and start thinking in something to calm me more.

Maybe writing...

I took my notebook and my invisible ink pen, then started to think...

I just smile, to cover my sad face and my doubts. It is all an act

Am I fine?
I am alright
Am I lying?
That's right

These are rules
Is my task,
It is rude
It's my mask

I have to keep up
All my act,
Keep hiding,
My real one

Are you gonna go out?
I am ok inside
Are you afraid?
More than frustrated

I keep telling myself, I have to be perfect for the ones who love me, or fake they do. I have to hide my pain to le them heal theirs. Everybody keeps asking if I am doing right, but I don't want to bother them, so I say I am.

I am not perfect
I just can't be,
I want to be a rebel,
I want to be free

This is a character
It is not me,
Just keep acting,
One day you'll be free