Barrier - Katsuki x Reader

Chapter 36 - Guilt

"Your exams will be held soon, both physical and practical. So study or you'll fail." Aizawa said before slipping into his yellow sleeping bag and falling on the floor to sleep.

The class began chatting about the exams. A figure approached you and you looked up.

"Hey Y/n" Uraraka spoke.

"Hm." You hummed, humoring her for now.

"I, uh, saw you the other day, I was just curious, why did you go to the hospital?" She asked nervously.

You stayed silent for a while before answering.

"I was visiting someone."

She looked confused, "Oh? Who?"

"Thats none of your business." You spat back causing her to visibly flinch.

Something must've changed or snapped in her, instead of just walking away with a sad look like you had expected, she snapped back.

"You dont have to be so mean y/n! I thought we were friends before but your only hurting everyone's feeling now! I dont know what happened but I wish you would stop being such a jerk!"

The room had silenced at her speech and your face was actually holding an emotion for the first time in weeks. You shouldve been angry, repulsed, even flat out ignored it, but instead some force inside you seemed to be trying to break through your cold exterior, and it was.

Your face, normally placid, twisting with guilt, grief, and disappointment. Not of her or anyone else for that matter, but for yourself.

You felt disappointed in yourself. You didn't like it one bit. You hated in in fact.

"Why do I feel this way! I'm no coward! I shouldn't be able to be swayed by such trivial emotions! So why? Why does my heart hurt so damn much?!"

You stood abruptly, Uraraka backed up instinctively, probably thinking you were gonna hurt her or something.

Her actions made you seethe, the other half of you feeling shame and guilt. You blindly stumbled past her and out of the classroom, numbly stepping down the hall until you made it outside.

It was quiet and you sunk to your knees bitterly.

"I'm so stupid. I hate this, I hate myself, life wouldve been better for everyone if I never existed! And maybe.... maybe even they would still be alive...." You cried to yourself.

You could still remember your mothers grip on you and firm as it was the night she died. The memory of your fathers face having seemed to vanish from existence, you could only remember the turned over lifeless husk that used to be him.

"Its all my fault! And I even had to go and make it worse by killing all those people!" You ran your hands repeatedly through your hair, pulling it at the roots.

It hurt but it was nothing compared to the emotional pain you were currently feeling.

You hunched over onto the ground and hid your face with your arms. You could feel your ragged breathing picking up, it was quick and short but still, you ignored it.

"Its no wonder people use me and hurt me... I'm nothing-" your words trailed off as your head got light and you passed out.