Variations of Her and Her

Rusty Anchor

Yeonwoo's POV

It's been days, weeks, and Nancy still hasn't talked to me. What am I gonna do in my life now? My source of energy, my everything, seems to hate me for a reason I don't know.

I know Nancy hasn't talked to me and I didn't dare try to talk cause maybe I'd just bother her even more.

Can I still live when this goes on?

"Yeonwoo! For the last time, get out of your room already!" Hyebin never stopped banging on my door.

"I'm too drained to get up!" I shouted back. I honestly didn't do anything this whole day, it's already afternoon and I still haven't come out of my room.

"What are you doing?!"

"Just lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and hoping that it would FUCKING HELP ME!" I couldn't hold my tears inside, it just hurts so much.

She avoided me a lot at the concert last Friday when we were on the Philippines. I almost cried at the moment when she noticed I was the one beside her, she ran away and stood at the other end beside Daisy. I mean, how can I fucking heal when that fucking memory keeps on popping on my fucking stupid mind?!

Fuck, I shouldn't have kept on ignoring her at the time when she was the one that tried to get near me. I was just scared that if I overdid doing sweet stuff towards her, their would be issues and rumors. I don't want Nancy to be involved.

Mianhae NanWoo shippers, I'm sorry if we haven't fed you for weeks, it's all my fucking fault.

"Drop the anchor shippers..." I chuckled and closed my stinging eyes.

"NanWoo has to rest"

"Yeonwoo unnie"

Nancy?

"Yeonwoo unnie" Fuck, stop shaking me.

I opened my eyes to see Nancy sitting on my bed, beside me and not looking right at me.

Did I doze off?

"Here's your dinner" She coldly said and placed a bowl on my bed side table.

"Thanks"

"Don't thank me, I was just ordered by Jooe" She crossed her arms and acted threatening.

Damn, an angry marshmallow.

"So you didn't bring me food because you want to?" I smiled, hoping she'd say that she actually wants to bring me food even though she won't see it.

"Don't talk nonsense, I don't do that" She stood up and walked to the door as if she hates me since we met.

"What happened?" I sat up. I want to know why she keeps ignoring me.

"What do you mean?" She never dared to turn around.

"Why do you keep on ignoring me?"

"Ask yourself on why you ignored me in the first place" I. Don't. Even. Know.

"Because I ignored you doesn't mean I hate you"

"Then, do I hate you? No, but you're made things embarrassing for me" She turned at me and tears were running down her eyes. She didn't sob, but she was crying.

"The moment I passed you the microphone, I saw you look at it on your peripheral but you looked away as if you never noticed. I could just smile at the fans and put down the fucking mic"

What the--

I stood up and walked to her, she then started sobbing.

"And at the day of ISAC, when you were on the tracks for relay race, I recorded you and kept cheering from a far away distance. When it was over and we all went down to have a group hug, you then immediately separated yourself from us. We started to walk away from the tracks to go home and when I turned my attention to you, you were fucking hugging someone who's wrapping her fucking legs on your waist! I have always wanted to be the only one to do it Yeonwoo unnie!" She pushed me and cried even harder.

It felt like I was dying, to see Nancy crying. I never imagined that one day, I was the reason of her tears, of her sadness. I have always thought that I was the one making her happy a lot, smile a lot, but I was wrong the whole time. She probably hates me for being such an idiot.

"I didn't mean to do those things, I don't have any intentions to hurt you. I myself am hurting Nancy, you're not the only one. It keeps bothering me on why you keep on ignoring me, running away from me and pretending like I never existed. Was that all the reason why you ignore me? The way you ignore hurts, Nancy. I can't even think of anything already. I'm almost not myself anymore, I'm almost at the point where I go crazy and kill my fucking self! Does hugging a friend make you feel unloved?! Does ignoring a fucking mic make you feel like I hate you?! Lots of people out there are worried, Nancy, and you're making things worse!" My hot tears are streaming down again. Yup... I'M FUCKING TALKING GIBBERISH!

"I MADE THINGS WORSE?!" She aggressively kept pointing at herself.

"NO! I'M JUST SUCH A STUPID FUCK!" I kicked my reading table, the lamp shade fell and broke, like me.

I don't care whatever breaks anymore, I don't.

"GO ON! DESTROY YOUR THINGS! LET OUT YOUR ANGER TOWARDS ME TO THEM! SHOW ME HOW ANGRY YOU ARE AT ME!" I was about to kick the broken glass from the lamp bulb but when she said that, it made me stop and look at her.

"Stop Yeonwoo unnie" She covered her face and kept sobbing.

"I'm...sorry" She wiped her tears and glared at me.

"You changed, and it hurts" She turned her back at me but what I said stopped her.

"I just want our moments to be back Nancy, I don't hate you, I seriously don't. I'll do anything to make it up to you"

"I didn't say I give up on you, but please, I need some time" Her voice cracked and she got a hold of the knob, but again, I called for her.

"Nancy" She paused on turning it.

"Please forgive me" My knees felt weak and I want to fall already. My hands are trembling and my eyes felt hot and sting so much.

"Give me some time, please" She opened the door and gasped. Everyone was crying, at the door, eavesdropping our fight.

I cried at the sight of them, crying and feeling sorry for the both of us.

I don't deserve my friends, much more on Nancy.

She gently pushed her way out of them, Jooe's wet eyes looked at me and ran after Nancy.

They gave me worried looks and it made me sad, so I smiled to assure them that I'm ok, that I'm still functioning...well.

"Close the door, this fucking bastard needs to be alone" I slowly pointed at myself and smiled at them. But it was weak, drained, dead and fake.

Jane closed the door, but before that, they all mouthed 'It's gonna be ok'.

Yes, it's gonna be ok. I hope...

I cried harder and fell to my knees, I felt tiny pieces of glass bury on my skin. It didn't hurt, since the one hurting so much was hiding behind my ribs.

Hold on heart, we can wait.

So, are you still hanging, shippers? I am, let's wait at the same time for everything to come back the way it used to be.

The anchor is getting rusty already, hold on and wait.

What can I do to make the ship sail again? Oh, right, she said wait.

Hang in there, Lee Dabin, you can still smile right?

Just an angst chapter passing by.

Sorry for hurting you guys, I myself am hurting as well you know?

Anyways, I'll go to bed now, it's almost 1 in the morning here. I usually sleep late even if I have classes tomorrow but this time, I'm too tired from partying too much, it was my sister's birthday ok? How can I stop myself from having fun?

I bet the next chapter has a MATURE content cause SOMEONE requested it😏😆 AND it has a cinnamon roll in it😆😆😆

Byyyyeeeeeee~~~~~💞💞💞