Dark inside (Solby)

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Warning!  Possible trigger for those who have a past of suicidal thoughts or actions, and/or the thoughts and/or actions of self injury!

Colby's POV

After Corey spent the day looking after us, Sam and I went back to our normal age mindset and were cuddling on the couch and watching the TV. He smiled and nuzzled close to me as I smiled and held him close, kissing his cheek softly. He smiled and looked at me with bright eyes but something wasn't right. There was this short of light missing from his eyes, like there was something he wasn't telling me.

"Hey, are you alright?" I asked becoming instantly concerned. 

"Yea I'm totally fine." He said as he looked up at me and smiled, but I didn't believe him at all. I sighed and looked at him with soft eyes but knew I couldn't push it, he wouldn't open up to me if I did. I nodded and ran my fingers through his hair. 

"Okay, but if anything is ever bugging you you know you can tell me right?" 

"Yea absolutely. I know I can always tell you anything." He smiled and sighed as he closed his eyes and went back to looking at the TV. I really didn't believe him but I had no way of proving him wrong.

Sams POV

I couldn't tell him, I don't know why but I just didn't feel like telling him would do any good. It wouldn't stop it. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I felt my heart drop. God not again. I picked up my phone and opened Instagram, where the notification had come from. 

Brennesbean: Little fucking pussy needs someone to take care of you. You're just dragging him down, he should be with Brennen not you. You ruin everything! No one likes you! You're just an annoying little baby that takes up all of his time and energy. I hope he fucking cheats on you. 

And then another one

Sheasqueen: Stupid fucking fag! He isn't even gay, he's just using you for more followers because so many people love the idea of solby. I bet he's gone all the time and you don't even know it. I bet he goes out and fucks three girls in a night good and hard to clean the gay off of him, and then maybe lets you suck him off just so you can taste the other girls hes been with. Just save us all and kill yourself. 

I got this kinds of DM's all the time for the past two week. And it was killing me, and putting doubts in my head. What if he was cheating on me, or if he didn't love me and he just wanted the publicity. It didn't seem like something he would do, but how could I know that for sure? I sighed and deleted the message before putting my phone down and closing my eyes trying to fall asleep so I could just ignore all of it, but it was stuck in my head, laughing at me. I sighed and carefully got up and Colby instantly looked concerned. 

"Where are you going?" 

"To the bathroom, I'll be right back" I said as I walked to the bathroom that was down the hall and I closed the door and locked it before leaning against the opposite wall and tears started to stream down my face. Ho could he love me right? all I was was a waste of space, some needy guy that acted like a two year old, no one special. He couldn't love me, that's not how the world works, at all. 

                                                                      *Trigger*

I slid down the wall and pulled out my tiny switchblade and rolled up the sleeves of my hoodie. I looked at my wrist as I sighed. They had to stop, he couldn't know, he couldn't know I was here in the dark place. I had to keep it in. I took a deep breath and slowly dragged the knife along my wrist as I sighed, only feeling the smallest sting from the knife. Then I did it again and again and again, until I had five beautiful lines along each wrist crying red tears along with me, leaking my pain and dragging some of the words with them. 

                                                                     *End of Trigger*

I sighed and cleaned them off before pulling my sleeves back down and flushing the toilet paper down the toilet so he wouldn't find it. Then I hid any sign of me crying before i cleaned off the blade, put it back in my side pocket and walked back over to Colby smiling a little as we made eye contact. He held out his arms to me and I instantly curled up into him as I smiled, like nothing had even happened. 

Colby's POV

While Sam had gone to the bathroom his phone had gone off, and I saw an awful DM had been sent to him. So I quickly unlocked his phone and deleted it before reading it, and quickly glanced through his DM's to see if anyone else had said something to him, but there was nothing. I had thought maybe that was apart of how he was feeling but there was no sign of other messages. Maybe I was just going, maybe he was fine and there was nothing at all. I sighed as I held him close to me and looked for stains or flinching, signs I got when he hurt himself, but again nothing. It helped me relax as I pulled him closer to me as I looked at the screen and we watched a bunch of random movies. He's okay, that what mattered. He wasn't hurting or headed to the dark place, he was safe. At least thats what I thought.