Dark inside (Solby)

Why Do I Try

Warning! May trigger some people!!

Sam's POV

The messages kept getting worse and worse. They were more cruel, more hurtful, it was really hard to just deal with them anymore. But I acted like I didn't notice them, like I wasn't slowly dying inside, like everything was how it used to be. I couldn't drag anyone down with me, that wasn't fair to them, I just had to deal with it by myself, but that was one of the worst decisions I have ever made. It's been about two months since the first message started, and I have an entire folder dedicated to screenshots of those messages. I had been just adding and adding to it, and I wasn't sure why, but I think somewhere in the back of my mind I knew what I would do with them if I hit a certain point, I knew I was going to hit a certain point. And at the moment I was looking through the folder, not reading any of the messages, just seeing how many I had and I think that's when it hit me, no one really loved me. I had over three thousand photos in that folder, it was stupid ti make any content, it was stupid to actually pretend anymore, no one gave two shits about me or who I was or if I was even here. Colby was probably out with some girl, or maybe Brennen, because he really didn't love me. I got up and walked into my room and closed the door and locked it before setting up the camera with a sigh. 

"So....this is it, the last video I am ever making. If you're watching this it'll be the last time you guys see me too. I don't have any reason to be doing this anymore, I don't have a reason ti be here anymore. And clearly you guys feel the same. Now for that small group of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll just give you some examples." I grabbed my phone and opened the folder. I don't know why I was doing this, I don't know why I was making a suicide video but I was. "'You fucking fagg, Colby never loved you to begin with, he's been using you to gain more followers this entire time. Do all of us a favor and kill yourself.' Oh and 'That's "cute" you pretend to be a baby, but do you really need anymore attention? Because in all honesty, what you're doing is awful and gross and horrid and you deserve to die' and 'fucking fagg pedophilic creep please cleans the earth of your poison and die' I have over three three thousand of these on my phone. So I'm clearly not wanted, but.... I mean maybe some of these are right. Did he even love me? I mean how could he? I'm the most clingy, annoying, needy thing on the planet. So I might as well save him and give him even more followers in the end right? I just..... I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry I've become some horrid monster that let you all down, all I wanted to do was change the world, but I can't even do that right can I? Goodbye guys, it was fun while it lasted." Then I ended the video and uploaded it, unedited because I didn't care, there was no reason to edit something I wasn't going to get anything from. I then closed my eyes and sighed before getting up and walking to my drawer and grabbing the small pocket knife that I hid there. 

Colby's POV 

I was at Brennen's place and he was live, and as we were joking about something a million comments started filling with 'COLBY HELP SAM!' and 'SAMS IN TROUBLE!' 'SAM NEEDS YOU!' "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IS THIS A PRANK?!' Brennen and I both stopped and I looked at my phone confused when I saw the title. 

"What the-" I turned it on and started to watch it but paused it within the first few seconds "Shit I knew something was wrong." I got up and Brennen looked at me confused as he reached to turn off the live "Sam's trying to kill himself." I said and Brennen ended the live just after I said that. I grabbed my keys and ran out of the house and jumped in my car and drove as fast as I could back to the house as I called Sam. It rang, and rang, and rang, but no answer. "Damn it!" I growled as I hit the steering wheel and tears were filling my eyes. I kept trying to call him until I pulled up to the house but he never answered. I ran inside and was calling out to him as tears slid down my face and I ran all through the house before running upstairs to his room, where I could hear him sobbing. "Sam don't you fucking dare" I said through the door but I know he couldn't hear me, so I grabbed the key to his room and unlocked it but still couldn't open it. "Sam! Sam let me in please!" I was trying to push whatever it was out of the way so I could get to him as tears were streaming down my face. 

"There's no point. You don't love me anyway do you?" I could feel my heart break at his words. 

"Sammy why would you ever think that? If I didn't love you I wouldn't have rushed over here to save your life, to keep you here with me, to make sure you were okay." 

"Yea you would have, I'm how you make money so you can have the best life." He mumbled through the door and I stopped. 

"Why would you even say something like that?" I said softly as I was leaning against the door knowing I wouldn't be able to open it far enough. "Why would you even think that's true? Have I done something to you to make you think that way? To believe that's how I actually view you?" There was no answer, and I could feel pain and fear welling up inside of me. He did it, he left me here alone, he killed himself he had to of. But then I heard his soft sobs and the sound of something heavy being dragged across the floor, then I was able to push the door open and sighed in relief as I walked inside and looked for him. There was blood on the floor, a lot of it and I instantly got even more worried and as I looked more desperately i found him in the corner and his arms were covered in blood and he was shaking. 

"No no no no." I said as I rushed over to him. "You're gonna be okay it,s gonna be fine" I said as I started tearing my shirt and wrapping the pieces around his arms. 

"I'm sorry..." He said softly with tears in his eyes as he looked at me. "I just...couldn't do it anymore" 

"It's fine you'll be fine I promise, I'm not gonna lose you, I didn't lose you the first time and I definitely won't lose you now." He laughed a little and closed his eyes as he shook his head. 

"It's too late for me...you and I both know you can't fix me" Then he started to pass out and I panicked, picked him up and carried him to the car rushing him to the hospital.