My Love, Brian May

Day one in Paris

     Oh my god
     I've never gotten so drunk. It felt good, like I deserved it. I lay on the bed of the hotel, underneath the silk sheets. I continue to stare up at the ceiling and think. Brian is curled up with a small child next to me, hugging my waist like a teddy bear.
     I was going to have a major hangover tomorrow. I raise my hand to the ceiling and stare at the shimmering diamond upon my ring finger. Right next to it was the first ring we got for each other. I haven't taken it off in years that it's completely stuck to my finger.
     We need to make wedding plans. It was gonna take a long fucking time but I was willing to wait. We would need reservations, invitations, cake, food, Jesus we need a whole bunch of shit that needs to be done.
     I usually think a lot before I go to bed. It gives me anxiety most of the time but I still do it because I don't want to sleep. I continue to lay there and get caught in my thoughts until I finally decide it's time to sleep.
     My heart is still thumping from the proposal. It took him 3 whole years for him to ask me to marry him. I'm so happy I waited.
     I close my eyes and fall into my slumber.
Dream (cause why not)
     I'm in some sort of room. I'm not sure because it looks like a weird shape but everything is white. I'm in a wedding dress and people are around me, looking at me with no expression.
     I look at them weirdly but walk down the aisle cause what else are you suppose to do. I trip and fall into the grooms arms but when he turns around I notice it's...Roger?!
     I jump away from him and suddenly all the faces are Roger's. Thousands of pairs of blue eyes stare at me.
     I crawl away from him as my breathing hitches. I run into another roger as he bends down to meet my confused face. He leans in and whispers in my ear.
     "You have to tell him."
     Then suddenly all the faces disappear and I'm stuck in the room, still in my dress with tears pouring down my face. 
Reality
     I shoot up from my previous position, making Brian's arms release from my grip.
     Was this all a dream. I'm not in Paris. I'm not engaged.
     I look down at my finger and there it was, the glistening diamond shimmering on my finger.
     I let out a sigh of relief as I turn to the window with light pouring through it. The tower continues to stand tall and proud from the window.
     My mind was trying to tell me something. I can't tell him about the feelings I had towards Roger while we were still in a relationship. It would ruin everything. I never slept with him but I still had the desire towards him which made it just as bad.
     I bite my lip in frustration and climb out of bed. I walk towards the bathroom and sit down on the ground. My head was throbbing like crazy and it was driving me mad.
     I plant my head into my palms as I take deep breaths to ease the pain. I didn't feel like vomiting but my head was killing me.
     I lazily get up and reach for my toiletries bag where I kept some aspirins. I grab a few and pop them in my mouth.
     I grab my water from the sink and chug the pills down. I could already feel my head getting better as I walk back to the bedroom.
     Brian is still sleeping as I reach down in my bag to grab my notebook.
     I hear that if something is bothering you, write it down and burn it so I decided to try that.
     I quietly rip a piece of paper out and grab a nearby pen. I scribble down my secret and reach down in my bag for a lighter. I smoke like twice a month so I keep a lighter close by.
     I open the doors to the balcony where the cool air hits my face. I hold the piece of paper out and ignite the flame.
     The white of the paper fades and turns to a black as it shrivels up and blows away in the wind.
     I did feel somewhat better. It was like I had told the secret to someone to get it off my chest but I actually hadn't told anyone. It felt good is all I'm trying to say.
     Now that I think about it, I haven't had a smoke in a long time. I head back to my purse and grab a cigarette. I check again to make sure Brian was still asleep because he hates it when I smoke.
     I head back to the balcony and lit the cigarette between my lips. I blow a mouth full of smoke, relieving my lungs. It felt good to have a smoke once in a while but was not addictive, not at all.
     Sometimes I find cigarettes absolutely disgusted and other times I find them stress relieving.
     I take another drag of the stick and blow out another lung full of smoke. I hear footsteps from behind me and immediately burn out the unfinished stick in the nearby ash tray.
     I turn to see Brian rubbing his eyes and yawning. He looks so cute when his hair was messy and his eyes were still sleepy.
     He grabs my hips as I lean against the railing. He begins to kiss me all over my mouth and neck.
     His kisses travel to my ear as he stops, still lingering by my source of hearing.
     "How does it feel to be the next Mrs. May?" He whispers seductively in my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
     I smile and wrap my arms around his sides, pulling him into a hug.
     "It feels absolutely amazing." I whisper back as a chilling breeze sweeps passed us.
     "Thought about a date yet?" He asks, still hugging me tightly.
     I furrow my eyebrows at his question. When should we have this day of happiness? Than a thought popped into my head.
     "January 7, the day we met." I reply.
     He pulls away from the hug, looking at me with concern.
     "In the winter?" He questions, crossing his arms.
     "It doesn't have to be in London. We can go anywhere. Where is your family mainly from?" I ask leaning back against the rails.
     "London." We both let out a small chuckle. " what about you?"
     "London and India. But I've got like no family in India." I reply. That's when an idea hit me. "Hey! Why don't we have it in Zanzibar? Freddie would be quite thrilled and it would be on a nice beach with all of us there." I consider, getting pretty excited over my idea.
     Brian stops and stares at me wide eyed. He lets out a long sigh and looks up, thinking.
     "That would be quite nice." He admits. I smile at his response and grab ahold of his hands, making him look up at me.
     "We don't have to think about it know. Have you already forgotten that you proposed yesterday?" I ask sarcastically, looking into his brown eyes.
     He lets out a small laugh then looks down at my wedded finger. He rubs his thumb along the small gem, smiling.
     "How could I already forget?" He replies placing a small kiss upon my lips.
     He quickly pulls away and licks his lips in confusion. He then looks down at the used cigarette on the ash tray. He looks back down at me.
     "Have you been smoking?" He asks with a concerning tone.
     I let out a small sigh and shrug my shoulders.
     "Just once. I was thinking. It helps me think." I reply. He lets out a sigh in disappointment and opens his mouth to say something in return, but is stopped by my raised hand. "We are not going to have this conversation at..." I look down at my watch. "8:45 in the morning." I demand lowering my hand as he closed his mouth in return.
     "Why don't we go get some breakfast and today we can tour France?" He suggests, sending a smile after.
     I smile in return and look up as if I was thinking.
     "I'd want nothing more"