A Little Hope

1. Don't Leave Me Behind

"Don't you know I'm no good for you?
I've learned to lose you, can't afford to."
~ Billie Eilish

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There is always somebody who is going to tell me that I'm not good enough. If it's not my father, then it's the kids at school and even my school teachers. I am not worthy of being loved. I know this because I have done something so wrong that it should cause every single person to sneer at me. And they all rightfully do. Except for one person.

Jasmine.

Standing at five feet and eleven inches, she gracefully comes to my rescue every time she sees someone tormenting me. She was black and had fierce dark brown eyes that would comfort me when I'm at my lowest. She's my best friend and I owe my entire life to her. With the abuse at home, I know I wouldn't have been able to survive high school without her.

I typically only see her in fourth period and at lunch every school day. I'm not allowed to hang out with friends or even have a cell phone, so it's difficult to spend time with her. Miraculously, that didn't prevent us from forming a strong bond given the little time that we were given. Jasmine is really popular and comes from a really good family. She's the star of our school's cross country team and is the single child of two very loving parents. Her dad is in the army and is often away, but they're still super close. Her mom is a doctor and helps take off the house since her father is away.

I still remember how we met. I was a freshman and she was too. We had been sitting inside our first-period classroom and she was talking to the other girls about running when Justin had come up to me. He pulled my hair and called me a psycho bitch because he saw my scars.

One look over at him, and she had already had blood leaking out of his nostrils and onto the desk. Usually, this would've been social suicide. A girl punching the only freshman to make the varsity football team and the son of the vice-principal. But she still did it and it was all for the sake of some quiet weird girl.

However, it was because of this incident, that made her popularity spark. Not only was she now seen as a badass, but she was also incredibly smart and beautiful. Not to mention athletic. She held the state record for the long jump and it was already obvious at this point she would have colleges pining over her to get her to attend their school.

Let's just say that Justin avoided her after this. Despite all this newfound popularity, she didn't cease to have an interest in me. We talked in those short thirty minutes for the lunch break and I spilled most of what I could to her. I told her my mom died and that my dad was overprotective of me because of that. It was partially true and it hurt to lie about that, especially since she told me all of her secrets and life stories. But I didn't want to worry her or cause her problems so I just kept it a secret.

I mean I couldn't just tell her about my dad. Or the abuse. Or my mother's suicide. She would tell the school and CPS would get involved. They wouldn't do anything and my father would just become angry and upset. And God only knows what happens when he's angry...

So I kept quiet. I shut my mouth about everything and tried my hardest to be the best possible friend to her. I didn't deserve her but somehow I was blessed with her. She was really important to me. The only person I truly cared about.

I'm not sure when I became little. I guess I was always really childish and liked cute things. However, it became more prominent when my father started abusing me. I became more infantile and clung to my childhood with a tight grip. I was forced to grow up. I was scared of being an adult and wanted to go back to being a small, carefree child. That's when I found littlespace and it was a whole new world I wanted to explore. I had a feeling of coming home and everything just seemed to be so natural for me.