A Little Hope

31. Closed Doors

"And if I could, I'd get you the moon
and give it to you.
And if death was coming for you,
I'd give my life for you."
~Kina

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Sebastian's POV
Savannah muttered the word no and the rest of it became blurry as I felt myself collapse within. I knew it would end like this but it still hurt a thousand times. I nodded towards her and walked back into the mass of faces that meant nothing to me as much as the one behind me.

I found my way to my car and sat in the driver's seat and began to sob. My entire heart was out there and without it, I felt as though I wasn't authentic enough to live. I had never wanted anybody or anything until I met Savannah. Her soft hair and kind eyes made my darkest days feel like heaven. When she wasn't here, I felt my soul was cut in half. She had entwined hers into mine, but now she left and took half of me with her.

Maybe we would find our way back to each other one day. Maybe I would see the day when she called me daddy and greeted me with arms that existed solely to cling to me. Maybe I would be able to bottle feed her and hand her favorite stuffie to her as she slept in my arms. Maybe I would be able to talk about life with her and discuss all her hopes and dreams for the future. Maybe one day I would be able to tell her that she alone was my future and my only dream was to make her my wife.

Everything hurt too much and I couldn't breathe. I gripped the steering wheel as tears fell against the dashboard. Nobody would ever understand me. Nobody would ever be capable of loving me. Savannah made me feel as though that was possible, but she left. If she couldn't, then I refused to believe that anybody else could.

Through blurred vision, I managed to drive home. I climbed up the stairs and fumbled around for my key before bursting through the door and seeing the emptiness that now consumed my life. Everything and everyone was gone. I couldn't stand to look at the pieces of Savannah that were left behind, so I sold all the furniture until the only thing that remained was an air mattress in the living room. I didn't sleep in our old room anymore because I could still sense her presence. It was as though she was a ghost and haunted me in the night. The only odd thing was I welcomed her ghost because it meant a fragment of her was still with me.

I didn't bother eating or drinking. I simply crashed against the mattress and fell asleep. I welcomed the darkness that symbolized the inside of me.

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When my eyes awoke, it was to my alarm going off signaling me to go off to work. I sighed because I didn't want to go, but I had to pay the bills somehow. My savings had been depleted between Savannah and Rue, to my siblings, and then to my mother.

It's funny how this year played out. It felt like a big giant fuck you from the universe. It showed me love only to take it away.

I got into my car and drove away to work. We were packed to the brim but the one interaction stood out. My manager was yelling at this one girl with dark brown short hair and blue eyes. She was wearing a black dress with black tights and converse. Her hair was pulled back into pigtails with two ribbons.

I assumed her car was the old black Cadillac, which was completely totaled. The front part was shoved in and looked like it had just been pushed in. I could hear her pleading with my manager, "Please, I promise to pay you back once I have the money. I just really need my car fixed so I can go to work. If not, I don't know what I'll do."