Undecided Decisions

Chapter Thirty-Seven: If even just for a moment.

Claire's POV

Humans are born with only two fears. the fear of falling, and the fear of loud noises. falling when your aware is one thing, but falling without warning, is so much worse.

You know that feeling you get when your sleeping, and you think your falling? Like, all of a sudden in your dream, you just have such a real moment of pure terror.

When your sleeping, it's awful. Falling into darkness with no sense of where your going, how long you have until you die, what will happen when you reach the bottom, contemplating the idea that there may just not be... a bottom?

Our brains do all that in just the split second it happens. And yet our hearts can't do anything.

I have my normal dreams, and nightmares. Only one short new dream with cats and queens and weird shit. Then when the last one ends, I just fall.

Black engulfs me and it feels like my stomach is getting sucked out of my body. I can't get enough air in my lungs, so I just try as hard as I can, flailing, gasping in short breaths, and screaming as if that will spare my life. My heart stops and then I shake awake once the sensation of terror fades.

I freeze, before taking in my surroundings. Jules has his phone in his hand, hanging up quickly and looking at me. His other hand is outstretched towards me as if he was just about to wake me up. We stare at each other until I decide to explain myself with,

"I thought I was falling." I shake my head before burying it in my hands, "Wow, that was awful." I feel the bed dip as Jules sits next to me. "Who were you talking to?" I look up at him. He pauses, opening his mouth to speak, but then closing it as if he decided against it. "Who...was it?" He looks at me. I give him the stare. The one that scares everybody.

"Stop looking at me like that! It's like your eyeballs are about to fall out!"

"Not until you tell me. Who was it, Julian?!" I seethe. It might have been nobody, but I still have to know.

"Soren."

I settle down. Dropping my shoulders, "Oh. Why'd he call? Is he alright?"

Julian seems annoyed at the mention of his name, and at the fact that I instantly relaxed. He waves it off, "Yeah, he's fine. Made a bad decision and got himself stranded at the airport. Asked for a ride."

"You're going, right?"

"Why would I? He's the one who hurt you!"

I bite my lip, "But still...you're really going to leave him?" I look away, still holding a trace of a grudge against Soren, but not enough to feel like stranding him.

"Yes! I am!"

I look down at my hands, twisting them around. I'm...disappointed in his choice. "My parents always said that no matter what the circumstance, people can change. And too imagine the mercy I'd want given too me if I were in their position. Show mercy." I whisper.

For some reason, Soren reminds me of my parents. Like whenever he's around, I can feel them, guiding me.

Jules says, "I'm staying with you."

I slide out of bed, hiding my pain by clutching my side.

"You know what? You stay alone. I'll go get him." I say quietly. Jules stands up and blocks the door,

"You can't leave. Claire, you're still drugged from the OD. Lay down. Please." He begs.

"They flushed it out! Move over." He stands there. "Fine. Okay. Lets do that then." I shrug. I turn around. He runs after me. I spin and face him,