touch me e.d

fourteen

chapter 14

monday

// the song doesn't match the moment but let me hook y'all up with my baby's new song! 😩 [animal by troye sivan]

rose;

i walk in between people trying to get to my locker but i was stopped. "are you okay?" lia asked me and i hated how she will always have an effect on me. i didn't hate her but i hated what she did to me. i have done my fair share of mistakes but i never did anything for her to treat me wrong.

"yeah," i said and tried walking away from her. but she kept following

"stop lying," she stood right besides me. she seemed to know why i was lying.

she also did know about my twin sisters. "i heard about what happened," she lets out. "i'm sorry, i know how much time you've been waiting-," i cut her off

"how do you know?" i asked she bites the inside of her right cheek.

"your mom still talks to my mom," she shrugged. we were still standing in the middle of the hallway so she takes me inside the bathroom. there was only a few girls but eventually they began to leave. "i'm really sorry," she said

"i'm not okay. do you know how hard it was for me to look at my mom in the eye? it fucking sucks so much." i start to choke up on my words as i pictured my moms face in my head. her head hung low with her hands over her head trying to make a sound as she cried. "it's been seven fucking years. i just want to see them along with my mom," i started to cry lia gets closer to me. she pulls me in for a hug.

"it's going to be okay rose. just calm down you're starting to lose your breath," she whispers very close to my ear. but all i was thinking about was how broken my mom must be right now. the thought just going through my head made me want to cry even more.we all know that life isn't always fair to us. but i got so tired of waiting year after year of not seeing them. i didn't understand why i'm not able to see them even for five fucking minutes? maybe i will in the future but i don't want to wait any longer.

i feel so powerless waiting around for the time to come.

do you ever feel so inpatient? like when you're waiting for christmas to come by just to open the presents underneath the tree. or waiting impatiently to get into the concert you've been saving up for months now? maybe, when you're waiting for a text but time seems to go by so slow. that's how impatient i feel.

it's not that i think i deserve some royal treatment from god but i'm tired of waiting for anything to happen while i'm doing nothing. i can't even do anything to make the pain go away but hide it.

i can't hold onto the tears when april fourth rolls around. how am i supposed to let it all out if i'm trying to stay strong for my mom? i can't bring them up because she starts to cry. it's not that my mom is just sensitive but the fact she lost to of her daughters.

daughters who she had to give up. it's never easy to let go or just move on.but the reality is, we know the feeling of someone being gone from our life. two beautiful girls who should've been running around the house playing with their other cousins. the endless screaming and laughter filling up the rooms.

the amount of times we would have to pick up their toys because they didn't want to do it. all the birthdays we are missing just because of one accident. now there is an empty hole in our home, hearts, and space in pictures that need to be filled up by them. we all complain about our siblings but can you ever imagine losing your sister or brother and not being able to see them until their eighteen?"i want the pain to go away," my voice begins to croak.

the tears still streamed down onto my cheeks. my eyes began to burn from the mascara running down as well. but the pain was always going to be there no matter how much i try to hide it away or ignore it.you can't ignore pain it just drowns you with it.

—-

new messages

@grantdol: are you okay? you seem really sad today

@kinkysweetie: yeah i just didn't get much sleep last night...

@grantdol: are you sure? it looks like you've been crying, we can meet up after school over some coffee and we can talk about it. there will be no punishments, no rules. it will be off the record ♥️

i smile reading his text. i never seen this side to him even before i found out who he was. he's turning soft and frankly i find it cute.

@kinkysweetie: i'm okay grant. don't worry but thank you !

@grantdol: okay i'll text you later princess.

every time he called me princess i can feel my cheeks burning up from embarrassment.

i hated to admit that his words have a huge effect on me.i put my phone away once the teacher walks in class.

"good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. for today we will be just watching a historical movie since grades are due tomorrow," he announced half of the class doesn't even say anything because most of them just fall asleep during the movie. i just so happen to be one of those people.

you can't really blame me here. let alone the fact i've been really tired. "hi," someone says right next to me

"oh my god, jonathan you actually showed up," i said surprised.

"i thought you were going to ditch with the cool kids," i laughed quietly and he rolls his eyes at me but ends up laughing along with me

"i thought you would be one of those cool kids so that's why i went but turns out you weren't," he scratched the back of his neck looking a little awkward.

"i don't hang out with them anymore," i shrugged but before he asks again i change the topic. "well i'm going to sleep so please don't make any noise," i giggle a little i put my head down and cover my head with my hands. but jonathan was quick to start poking me as i tried to sleep.

i ignore him but he starts to kick my leg underneath the chair. in pure annoyance i kick his shin. "ouch," he groans once he's done complaining i try one more time to go to sleep. "i'm bored," he whispers

"jonathan, for a hot guy you can be really annoying," i said

"wow, i don't know if i should take it as an insult or compliment. but thank you i didn't know i was hot," he said and i lift up my head to laugh at him.

but i realized that i did call him hot, oh fuck. "you're still annoying," i smiled at him and jonathan

just smirks at me mischievous. "and hot," he adds, cocky

——

thoughts?—maritza 🕷