touch me e.d

forty

recap: ethan and rose were going to hook up but rose did something she wasn't supposed to. just because she wanted to be punished by him. they go out to eat and ethan has a panty vibrator that he can turn on whenever he likes. she then learns how they're on a date but that ethan doesn't only care about the sex, he wants her to be his girlfriend.
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chapter 40

rose;

play song

i can feel my cheeks heat up hearing him say it. i know it's hard for him to admit his feelings for me after everything that's happened around and between us. "i don't know what to say," i admit

the smile on his face fades away once i tell him. i know i feel the same way about him but this was only just about sex for the both of us. we both agreed this wasn't going to turn into anything else but now look at us confessing our feelings towards one another.

none of us seen this coming

but from what i know it work out even if we wanted it to. there's too many cons to it then pros. lia cheated on me with him, i may of her forgiven him but i can't forget.

"say something, anything else besides that," he pleads. he lowers his head down looking at me as if my silence was breaking him in two.

"what if it doesn't work out," i tell him my honest opinion. it wasn't a good one but i'm genuinely curious to what he has to say. i don't need the outcome of this to bite me back in the ass.

he shakes his head looking at me upset. "how will we know if we don't give it a try," he said with a low raspy voice still looking at me

"that's the thing even if we were to try something would get in the way it always happens," i tell him

why do i keep fighting him back? he's the one trying to make us work yet i'm the one only pointing out the bad things.

"are you trying to convince me or yourself," he lets out

i sigh in frustration. "i don't want to get hurt again," i admit to him

i don't want to go back to the cycle of me crying over someone who doesn't deserve my time. i don't need my parents seeing me broken or how weak i am. my dad will tell him 'i told you so'

charlie will rub it in and lia won't even say anything she will continue to feel guilty about what she did. she'll just pity me and jonathan will do the same.

but as for myself i don't want to go back shown. i don't want to be in that dark place alone anymore. i can't be dependent on someone who will leave sooner or later. but i can't keep abiding because it's bound to happen i'm not ready for it again

i don't want to be that broken piece anymore. this life is full of broken dreams and false promises. then again i don't want to be without him, i don't know what to do.

"i won't hurt you," he says low holding onto my hand as if his life depended on it. his thumb traces small circles on my hand making my stomach flutter with butterflies. my heart starts beating fast as if it was going to jump out.

"don't say that, you know things happen just like.." but he cuts me off immediately not letting me finish that

"don't compare me to her, you know my intentions are good with you. if you don't want to do this let me know because i don't want to waste neither of our time on something that isn't possible. i'm not going to beg for
you because it goes both ways," he tells me still holding onto my hand but he slowly starts to let go of it.

"you're always comparing everyone to what she did to you. i'm not lia, have i proved myself wrong?" he emphasized on she and her name.

he's right. "i get that you're scared but have you stopped to think you're not the only who's scared to do this?" he goes on not letting me talk, he's nervous he's starting to ramble.

"yes, this was just sex at first. we did agree for no feelings to happen but we were both stupid not to think how it was going to end." he nervously laughed smiling at me hoping i returned the same energy back to him, i think.

"this is like a cliche high school love story," i added and he nods. "but how will this one end?" i bite my lip "this isn't an ordinary story, this isn't two teens who were childhood friends living next door to each other. this is a story with two teens who had sexual for the thrill and games who fell for one another,"

ethan;

i need her to stop being so damn negative and to try to see the bright side of things. i'm admitting it all to her just for her to be negative about it. i understand she's scared but she isn't the only one.

she's not the only one risking it all for a relationship that meant end badly for the both of us. i'm putting myself out there just how she is.

"we can't keep coming to this if it's going to be the same thing everytime," i tell her

she shrugged. "how would you like the story to end," she asked

"for us to be something and see what goes on from there," i said "i'm willing to change, if you are too"

she looks at me offended. she furrowed her eyebrows looking at me waiting for an answer. "change what?" she snaps

"stop being negative about everything. not everyone is lia," i respond back

she scoffed. "i have a reason to-," i cut her off

i'm not letting her say anything that she will regret later on. "you can't see anything positive of us becoming something. you're acting like i'm lia," i slowly start to raise my voice

"just let me in," i plead "i want to be there for you. i'll say it again like i did last time, i want to the one who makes you laugh not cry. i want us to argue over where we get to eat. i'll get mad because you won't pick a place. i don't just want sex anymore. i want to be with you why can't you see that?" i go on

my eyes start to water just telling her all this. "i'm willing to fight for you rose," my voice croaks

"i just found my brother after years, i want you to meet him. he already knows how i feel about you by looking at me. what we feel is something real. this isn't a game anymore where you asked to be punished and i give it to you,"

"i'm glad you found him," her voice breaks. "i just want to feel the same thing you felt when you found him again,"

she tries to look at me with a smile but somehow fails when it's followed by low sobs. "sorry," she apologizes

"you'll see them too. lia told me about it.." i tell her

(authors note: i don't know if she ever told
him so sorry)

she smiles. "i hope so but thank you. i hope
to meet your brother sometime like have an actual conversation with him," she laughs

it broke me seeing her so sad and crying. i just hope she gets to see them and experience the happiness that filled me when i got to see him. i know she will see them soon even if she has to wait more i know she will. the wait will be worth it.

i can tell how much it breaks her to talk about them so i never push. "so are you willing to give us a try?" i managed to ask

i start shaking my leg up and down. "it's okay if you don't want to," i tell her "i mean,"

"you always do that," she mentions

"do what?" i chuckled nervously

"ramble when you're nervous about something," she adds "yes, but its nothing serious yet,"
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