la douleur exquise (n.) the heart wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.
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*texts*
elizabeth
03.04 am: I hate you so much
03.42 am: I cant fucking stop thinking of you. even when im drunk. its all you. this whole gukving wold is just you you you. white stars. lout thunder. ciggarets. fuck you. fuck you. fucj you
04.12 am: pleasde come back. forget what i ecer saif. i just need u and i just puked my head is spinning where r u
04.23 am: i miss you so muchh
matty
04.24 am: i love you but no fucking way
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*text*
elizabeth
09.14 am: to be honest it was probably my fault and i might just be saying this because this night i sent you so many drunk texts which i regret, sorry about that. and maybe because it's this early in the morning and im still half drunk from last night because the only time i feel like i can breathe is when im not sober and i realised just how fucked up it is that we fell in love when my mouth tasted like whiskey and i just completely fell for you, for the idea of being adored, for the feeling of being special. i know you dont and did never feel the same way about me but god damn it, i do and i dont even know why. but i did, you know? like, some part of me knew that you were a bad idea but i thought maybe if i just close my eyes and let myself fall, id learn how to fly at some point or you'd follow me down but fuck you just led me to the edge and then started making excuses about the height. god damn it i wish i had never learned your name that night, i wish we never kissed i wish i could get you of my mind.
I have all of your little letters next to me. I cry a little each time I read them and you left me in the clusterfuck of coke and beer and the moon I wanna die I wanna die and you're like my strange guardian angel
YOU ARE READING
Unrequited love
Fanfictionyou're into drugs and I'm into you. maybe one day I can be something you're addicted to. //matty healy// -drugs, sex
