Unrequited love

Epilogue

As I laid there in that warm bed, next to the man I loved so much, I thought of my life and how messed up everything was.
Maybe I made it that way myself and I know that there's a long way ahead of me before I can be completely okay.
Maybe I never will be. But I know that it is a lot easier if there's a person with you who helps you no matter what.
Once my mum told me, that if someone makes you feel everything; from extreme sadness to this feeling of ecstasy, they're worth fighting for. Because to feel everything because of some person is so rare, you should hold on to that. 
Even if it hurts as hell.

I touched his collarbones and smiled a bit. 
His body was so warm while my hands were cold as ice. I traced my fingers in patterns along his skin and if ever there was a moment to be able to freeze time god, this would be it. This would be it.

I felt so blessed, so happy at that moment. Like nothing could ever hurt me again. 
My fingertips touched his lips and I held my breath when he moved his head. 
It felt so intimate.

"When you meet the type of a person who has the power to take your heart and shatter it into uncountable pieces but at the same time get the chance to be held by them, you will never ever feel more full." her eyes were telling me that she wasn't lying, she smiled then.
"But mum, what if I don't meet them?"
"Don't you worry. That person will come when the time is right and you'll just know it. Even if you know them for no longer than a month or even less." she held my hand.
"something inside of you will know and when you kiss them your heart will start beating so fast it'll feel like you're on the top of the world. Hold onto them. Don't let go." I hugged her and told her how much I loved her. 

I missed her so much.
I felt salt tears on my cheeks already and my heart was beating faster.

It was a mess, everything was a mess.
I needed something to calm me down so I got up and went to his bathroom, searching for cocaine I got dizzy and fell on the cold floor, which made me laugh.
"God,I am so stupid." I whispered to myself and stood back up. 
The moon was still on the black sky and the stars shone brightly, which surprised me because it rarely happens that the sky is so clear. 
I observed it for a while longer and opened the window, letting the cold air in. 
I put my head out and looked up. I smiled. I usually looked down, imagining how it would be if I fell.
This time I looked up and realized how beautiful it was.
I didn't even need some poisonous substance to calm myself down, the fresh air dried my tears and the beautiful sky made me so much calmer.
I just stood there for a while, not thinking of anything, trying to remain calm.

I looked in the mirror and I still hated the way I looked like. I touched my face and realized how dull and lifeless it was. 
My lips and my blue eyes were something I always hated the most.  
My nose and my ears that were both too big.
Nothing was right on me and inside of me.
I shook my head.
"Fuck." I sighed and returned back to his room, checking the clock before laying down next to him.
It was 3 AM and he woke up as soon as I lay down.

"Baby what's wrong?" his voice was sleepy and his hair messy.
"Everything's alright." I mumbled as he sat up. 
"If it was, you wouldn't be up at.."
"3 AM?" I completed his sentence and smiled.
"Yeah, 3 AM." I kissed his lips and told him I was having trouble with falling asleep.
"Why?"
"Overthinking I guess."
"Look, I'm so sorry I said all those horrible things, I'm just so not used to being loved, to giving love, you know?" he took a deep breath and I sat up as well.
"And when you said all those things about how you loved me... I freaked out. I'm not a person who loves. And the day you told me how old you are, that also kind of scared me. But fuck, when I met you, everything changed and I gave you something you can never give back. I gave you my love, I fucking love you and I didn't dare to. But just being those few days without you made me realize you're the one I want and I think I'm gonna love you until my days run out, I'm so consumed in the thoughts of you. I have never met anyone like you, I want to know you even better, I want to know everything about you. I always believed in true love and I really think I found it with you. I wrote so many songs in the days with you, I then realized they are all about you." I gasped.
"I want us to be together, but I don't know how that works. We can fix this, right? It can't be the end of us."
"No, Matthew, it's not the end, if you don't want it to be it won't be. Because I don't want that either. God, I thought you could melt my frozen heart but you set my whole body on fire and I love you so much. You met me at a very strange time in my life when I didn't want to be saved and I'm not sure how but you made me want to be alive." his eyes widened but I didn't stop.
"I get lost in your eyes, they're so beautiful. I love the way you look at me and I get lost in your voice and when you sing to me it just makes me feel so adored and I get lost in the way you hold me close, in your kisses which make me forget about all the bad things in this world. I get lost in you and in the way you make me feel. It's like magic." 
I went closer to him.
"Can I tell you something?" he whispered. I nodded, closing my eyes.
“This may be overly sentimental but it's the fucking truth." he grabbed my hands before continuing.
"I want you. I want to throw you against a wall, wrap your legs around my waist and kiss you.  I want you and your flaws. I want your messy makeup from teary eyes as I hold you and talk to you about life. I want to be yours and only yours.  I want my trembling hands to grab your waist and dance with you in the middle of an empty room on our song, because it's such a cliche thing to do but such a romantic thing if you have the right person. I want to fight about meaningless stuff that will lead to meaningful sex. I want you. I want the ups and downs. I want you and only you."

I kissed his lips and we hugged tightly, almost breaking our bones.

"I fucking love you, please don't hurt me again."

A/N: so this is the end! I hope you liked this story because I enjoyed writing it quite a lot! If you have any questions, ask me in the comments bellow and make sure to tell me what you think of the story and the characters etc. I'd love to know your opinion on everything!
anyways, since more people wanted a happy ending i posted this one, but I also have written the sad one so if any of you want the sad one as well tell me and I can post that one too.
love you all so much, thank you for all the support like i never imagined id get that many views and votes and all. its incredible! thank you guys xxx