Unrequited love

neuf

"Matty, do you even remember last night?"

he shook his head.

"No, and honestly, I don't want to."

my heart dropped.

"Okay."

I sat down.

"Okay then."

I looked through the window on my left.

"I'm sorry."

his facial expression showed confusion.

"Sorry for?"

I sighed.

"Forget it."

I stood back up.

"I have to go."

I started walking towards the door. I didn't turn back until I placed my fingers on the door handle.

"oh, and one thing."

I turned around.

"I need money."

I waited for his answer.

"let's rob a store then."

he came to me.

"I need money too."

I smiled.

"don't get your nose bloody again."

with that I left his flat and started runing back home. My nose hurt.

It Wasn't a smart idea because I still had my heels on but I wanted to run, I needed to run, it was the only thing I knew it had to be done, I needed this I wanted it, I was loosing my mind and I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what the hell was happening to me, all I knew was I needed to run to loose that pound and I ran I ran I ran until I ran twice as much as I had ran every day and when I entered my flat I collapsed on the ground, not able to stand back up. Everything inside of me hurt. I couldn't move. I didn't know how to move, I was horrified of something. 

"Lizzy do you need some help, are you okay?" a lady who lived next door asked me. 

"fucking leave me alone okay? I don't need anyone I'm fucking okay."

I shouted. 

"I am absolutely okay." 

I was still sitting on the floor.

"I'm sorry." 

she muttered.

I laughed at myself for being so rude, so pathetic. 

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just... Not okay." 

I stood up, brushed the tears away and unlocked my doors, walking to the warm flat where the TV was still on. I closed the doors behind me, going to the bathroom, undressing myself. 

I didn't know who I was anymore, it was as if I was this destroyed person, but without a reason to be. Pathetic. 

I observed my reflection in the mirror, which showed nothing special. Nothing beautiful like people said. 

"You know, you've always been a fuck up. And that doesn't mean a bad thing. it just means you need help. Don't hide. Don't be numb. Feel something. Feel the life. Feel the joy that it offers. Feel the cold breeze. Feel the rain. Feel the sun. Feel the touch of someone you love. Don't flinch. Be happy. Feel the life."

I concentrated on my eyelashes and how they weren't long enough. I made a reminder in my head to google ways how to get longer eyelashes. I heard that if you eat some fruits or something, eyelashes tend to grow faster. We'll see. 

"But there's nothing wrong with me. I'm okay and I don't need help. I have drugs to numb the pain and I have many other things to take care of as well. I take care of myself though. I eat healthy things, I excercise, I work, I do everything that's okay for my body." 

Another thing that bothered me were my eyes because they were in such a weird shape. The colour was alright I suppose, but the shape, fuck, it was so odd. I should probably go to a surgery. Or just accept yourself for who you are. But what if there's nothing to accept?

"Your obsession with rocks and brown and fucking the whole town is a reflection on your mental health."

I stepped under the shower, feeling the cold water falling on my warm body. Whenever something was wrong I'd go in the shower because the water calmed me down. 

The pitter patter voice reminded me of falling which reminded me of him. 

fallingforyou. 

If I could, I'd tell him again and again and again. 

But now I knew how wrong that was. 

I'll stay quiet from now on. 

//

"Put this bandana over your face." 

He gave me a red piece of fabric. 

"Okay."

I put it on, like he told me to.

"You have a face straight outta magazine."

I smiled as he whispered those words.

he kissed me through the bandana, making me shiver. It was like in a movie. His shirt had a floral print and it was opened so I could see his tattoos. I couldn't stop smiling, it was so romantic. 

Was it?

I hugged him and at first he didn't hug me back, but then he did and it felt so good. I knew everything is going to be alright.

"Elizabeth, are you sure you want to do this?"

I nodded.

"Yes."

He smiled.

"Just, don't leave okay? Babe, stay."

I didn't know how to respond on this, it was the first thing that he said to me that actually showed that he maybe did feel something, that the feeling was mutual. So i grabbed his hand and we jumped into the van where there was George. We sat in the back, I was nervous, he was too. I could tell. The gun in his hands made me even more nervous. I imagined the consequences caused by this act, but I tried to get rid of them. I stared at his lips instead, which formed a smile when he saw me staring at him. 

"Just imagine all the new clothes you can buy with this amount of money."

I grinned.

"Don't forget about coke."

He laughed slightly.

"Yeah, the most important thing." 

George laughed along and after a few minutes of driving we were infront of a parking place and me and Matty got out of the van, holding each other's hand. He kissed my lips again and we ran to the store shouting "give us the money." The cashier's face was frightened, there were loud sounds of gun shooting and the world seemed to pass my eyes, I wasn't realising what was happening until we were running back to the van, Matty not being able to walk by himself, bloody hands. I opened the door and pushed him onto the back seats, George driving as fast as he could. Matty shouting in pain the gun caused him and I kissing his lips to numb the pain a bit. I tried to stop the bleeding at the same time and he couldn't stop telling me how much it hurts, and how everything went wrong. 

"We got the money." I said and kissed his lips again, still holding onto the wound. We finally got to George's flat and we could barely bring Matty to the door.

When he was on the bed and I was with him, we were kissing so hard, he couldn't stop whispering "you look so cool."

a/n: a new update wohoo, haha yeah tomorrow's gonna be so lame, school n shit. okay have a nice monday, byee