Pulling Your Heartstrings✔

Chapter six

I can't believe I actually had faith in Tife to come on time. I had made the effort to coil my short bob shaped weave into stylish crimson red curls and worn a French rose dress Imade had given me as a birthday gift a year ago. It was adorned with a thigh slit, that gave me the edginess I needed to burst the dwindling confidence in me through.

Okay, I know how overdressed I am. I think it's a habit I've picked up on. Besides, it's  Tife, right?  I didn't need to impress him. But somehow, I found myself picking out this outfit and there was no turning back. But now that I think about it, I haven't let myself look gorgeous in a long time. Not since when Desmond and I were together. Maybe this was why I was feeling nervous. I guess I had been too afraid to enjoy myself as a single woman. And now, I wanted to enjoy the most of it. Even if I had to be overdressed at an outing with a friend.

Yet, here I was just sitting there, drinking water at a five star restaurant, awaiting his arrival. And when he did come, he even dared to give me a dazzling smile.

Dressed in his usual three piece Italian suit, he comfortably sat opposite me and I let myself look at his handsome face. "Sorry I'm late I got caught up. Traffic. You know how it is."

I waved my hand dismissively and forced a quick smile.  "Don't worry. It's okay. At least, you came."

Tife cocked his head to the side and leaned closer. "Oh no, you're definitely pissed. I can see it. You're doing that thing again."

"What thing?"

He ran his fingers at the centre of his eyebrows and held a small frown. "This is how you look when you're angry. Your eyebrows scrunches up like this and your mouth tightens up a bit."

I chuckled. "My face looks like that? How come you've noticed it so well?"

"Are you kidding me? That's the one expression you give me 80% of the time. It's a look I'm used to."

"That's because you always try to piss me off." I countered, as flashes of past memories of him filled my head.

Tife narrowed his eyes and uttered nothing. He leaned back and folded his arms, studying me for some seconds.

Feeling totally self conscious, I mimicked his position and asked. "What? I feel like you're about to say something. Tell me."

Tife spoke softly. It was weird. His tone sounded both serious and sincere at the same time. That was completely unlike him. He stared at me carefully, noting my expression. "Let's change that."

"What are you talking about, Johnson?" I said, trying my best to level the tone in my voice.

He flashed me a charming smile. His pearly white teeth came into view and I finally got a peek of the Tife I used to know. It felt oddly relaxing seeing him back to his usual self. "Let's end this whole high school banter. I do enjoy teasing you but I'd also rather be taken seriously. We actually used to be close until you backed away completely from me. I do miss a bit of that. I'll stop teasing you and we can finally be how we used to be."

My eyes widened. I never expected him to actually say that. It wasn't like I was backing away from him on purpose back then. I had no choice. When I was much younger, I had a long three year crush on my best friend's brother. There was nothing more cliché than that and I hated it. Because of my feelings for him then, I always talked freely with him and we were close. But one day, I had had enough. I had eyes and it was obvious he felt nothing for me. Yes, he teased me, but the way he looked at me, had nothing special in it. So I did what any heartbroken fifteen year old would do, I stayed the hell away from him and eventually moved on. Thank God.

Hearing him ask for a chance to start our friendship afresh seemed alien to me. Things were different now. I no longer had feelings for him and both of us had grown from the people we used to be. There really was no point being hostile anymore.  Did I miss our past close friendship? Yes. Did I want to befriend a guy I used to be practically in love with? I didn't know.

Sighing quietly, I let myself do the mature thing at the end. "Let's do that. And I don't mind the teasing. Just don't go overboard."

The huge smile on his face made me smile back. When last had I been at ease with him being around? I couldn't remember. Yes, we spoke on numerous occasions but I hadn't let myself be completely comfortable in a long while. "Now that we're on the same page. Let's order our meal."

......

I spoke, after we had taken our orders and eaten our delicious cuisine. I finally let myself open up to the one thing that was bothering me for months. The one thing I couldn't let myself tell Imade. "Desmond practically said that I controlled his life. He said I tried to make things perfect and it was exhausting for him."

Tife certainly looked like he didn't care what Desmond thought. I already knew how much he didn't like him at all, so his reaction didn't surprise me. "Desmond's a piece of crap. Of course, he'd say so."

"But he wasn't wrong, you know." I admitted. Tife sent me a concerned look and I rolled my eyes. "I know what I mean. I'm not belittling myself. I'm self aware of my faults and I know I have control issues. I like to control things. After the whole break up, I finally let myself think through the one and half years I spent with him and it made me realize how often I made him do things he didn't want. Like the time I made him quit smoking."

Tife's left eyebrow arched up. "So you're a controller because you're concerned about his health?"

"Not that," I scowled at him, before softening my tone. "It's how I made him stop. It wasn't something he wanted, but he did it for me anyway. He was miserable for months and I didn't let myself pay attention to it, because it made more sense to date a non smoker."

Tife snorted. "Again. Not a bad thing that you let yourself choose how important both his and your health are."

"Not only that. He used to wear this odd looking pair of socks every night and I made him stop wearing it because it made me uncomfortable. I did a bunch of things too and it's too embarrassing to say. Now that I think about it, I think I'm a little unbearable."

"You're not unbearable. You're an inborn fixer. You like to fix problems. That's who you are. That's why you fix people's relationships. Because that's where you shine. So what if you love to fix things? We all have faults. No one's perfect. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I've known that side of you for years and if he doesn't appreciate who you are, then he doesn't deserve you. That's the truth."

While I was flattered by his words, I wish Tife understood what I meant. I spent years teaching people how to micro manage their relationship, and yet I couldn't fix mine.

"He's not the only one that sees that. That's the problem. I've thought back on all my relationships and how they've failed. At the end of day, I've found a common factor. Me. I ruin my relationships. I once read that it's only people who can't find love, that help people with their love lives. Maybe that's why I'm good at my job." My brain whirred through memories in my head. I knew what I was saying. I wasn't as delusional as what Tife was making me out to be.

Tife stared at me with a bewildered look and shook his head slightly. "That's a myopic point of view. It's usually people with experience, who help others with love. You've had all the experiences from people around you and it has shaped your knowledge on relationships too. So what if you've had bad relationships in the past?  You have time to make it work now. Isn't the present what matters now? Don't make yourself feel guilty for what you had no control over. You're better than that."

My lips curled up slowly. "You're just saying all these to make me feel better."

Tife gave a humourless laugh. "Have you ever seen me do something to make someone else feel better? I always call a spade, a spade. You should too." It was at that moment, my heart leapt recklessly in my chest. It made me feel content being around Tife Johnson.