Pulling Your Heartstrings✔

Chapter twenty nine

Chapter 29
   If I thought last night's dinner was awkward,  breakfast was a lot worse. I didn't feel the need to speak at all. Not with everything I had found out, while Tife spent breakfast staring at me so intensely, it made me want to leave. Imade was too busy nursing her hangover to notice anything. Thankfully Victor was still in bed and I was thrilled to bits. I didn't want to see his damn face and I was still doing my research on who Aline was. Luckily I had Yvonne, my trusty secretary whose unbashed speciality was digging through people's background and information within a blink of an eye. I was still awaiting her result and she told me that I'd have everything before noon. I was banking on it.

I distracted myself by washing the dishes. Naturally I would have gone to the beach to kick my legs in the sand, but I wasn't feeling like it. I was just mad. Mad at myself for butting into Imade's complex life by pairing her with Victor. Mad at Imade for putting herself through all of these. Mad at Victor for using my best friend. Mad at myself once more for not having the guts to tell her and facing the worst outcome. Mad at Tife for being a jackass. Mad at myself again for falling for him either way. I was just angry at everything.

"Take it easy on the plates. They didn't do anything wrong." I paused to glare at Tife's figure drawing nearer,  then turned my head back to the dishes I was washing and groaned. I had no idea that I was scrubbing the dishes a little too hard. I really was distracted with everything going on.

Tife asked. "Where's Imade?"

"Sleeping I think. She's tired and very hung over, so she did the one thing she adores. Sleeping."

"And Victor?"

"He could be dead for all I care. But I'm also guessing that he's still knocked out. It's not even nine am yet. We just happened to have a semi early breakfast. Any other questions you want to ask?"

Tife smiled briefly. "Sometimes I forget how sassy you can be."

"Why are you here, Tife?" I folded my arms to look at him.

"To talk."

I waved my hand dismissively. "We have talked. I get it. I'm a screw up, but at least I try."

Tife's eyebrows raised. "Wait, no. That's not it. I'm the one with crazy skeletons in my cupboard."

I asked again. This time, less defensive. My voice had a softening edge to it. "Why are you here, Tife?"

"I never did get to finish my story. You deserve to hear the rest. About his death."

I stiffened. It looked very hard for him to say it. "What was his name?"

A small smile lit his formerly grim look. "He was named after me, but I never thought that I deserved that much for a child I abandoned. Boluwatife Junior. He was called B.J or Junior. Sometimes Bolu, but I don't think he used Tife like I did. I saw him a couple of times. I was there for him whenever I needed to, I just hid him from the world. He was lively and was always so smart. He lived for four wonderful years."

"He sounds like an amazing kid. I'm so sorry, Tife."

Tife's smile slipped. His face hardened. It looked like he was revisiting a painful memory. "Last year, he got sick. Malaria. Neither Rhoda nor I took it too seriously. Stupid stupid mistake. He died in his sleep. Rhoda's been angry at me since he died. She blames me. Says I put him into hiding. That I denied the right to a normal life. That he never got a chance to meet his grandparents or his aunt. And she was right. I took that away from him,  and now he's gone. Last week Monday, he would have been five. The guilt has been eating me alive since and it's been putting me on a broody mood."

I didn't know how to react to it. I could see the pain in his eyes, and the guilt that he carried for the past five years. "Is that why you never let yourself get serious with anyone?"

Avoiding my gaze, he admitted. "I couldn't let myself get attached to anyone,  when I hid an important part of myself from the world. I never thought I deserved that much. Whenever I tried to make things work, I just remember Junior and the guilt makes me push away anyone that gets close. Not just relationships, even friends and family. It just never felt right. After he died,  I felt worse. I became who I am,  because of it. The whole carefree sarcastic guy isn't really me. It's a part of me,  but deep down I just wore the persona more so than usual, so no one would get to know me. The asshole that hid his son from the world because he was ashamed and afraid of messing up."

I shook my head. "You didn't mess up. You just didn't know what to do. We all make mistakes."

His face became frigid. "This wasn't just a mistake. It was a real human being. I wasn't fair to him. You were right earlier. My family needs help. We hide behind our money, but I think it's about time we talk about things,  before we end up hiding something that could tear us apart even more. After this trip  ends, I've decided to tell my family about Junior."

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

He sighed. "I can't change the fact that he's dead, but they deserve that much of the truth. Talking to you made me realize how crazy things are. I did something unforgivable. I don't want someone else to do something worse, just because we don't open up. Especially Imade. It's hard, but I think it's time I started owning up."

I searched through his eyes. "You need to forgive your mistakes, or you'd spend forever hating yourself."

"I hate what I did so badly, that I couldn't even go to his funeral. I just couldn't pretend that I felt okay with his loss, so how do you expect me to wake up and accept what I did?"

I pursed my lips. "Why don't we do something?  Lets go to the beach. Clear our heads. "

Tife cocked his head. "I'm pouring out my life problems and you want us to go to the beach?"

My smile curled up. "Yeah. A clear head sometimes makes things a little clearer. And besides, this 'depressed sad boy look' doesn't bode well with the Tife Johnson I know."

He scoffed, but I could still see the amusement swimming in his brown eyes. "I'll take you up on that."

"First, you've got to help me out with the dishes. They certainly aren't going to clean themselves."

Smirking softly, he leaned closer with his eyes glued on me and propped his hands into a pair of gloves. "Where do I start?"