memories ﻬ am

Two

~Kaitlin Winchester~

I open my eyes to find myself in a tour bus. Austin is sitting in his bunk, just staring at his phone. His face emotionless. What is he looking at?

I remember this face from when Austin witnessed Alex breaking his arm one day. It scared Austin shitless and he didn’t know what to do. He was just emotionless while I went to go get help. He only does that fact when he’s just shocked or scared.

My curiosity gets the best of me and I slide from the bunk I lay in. I head over to his slowly, taking steady steps. Oh wait, he can’t see me. I totally forget. So I do what any normal invisible person would do. I slide in.

God must be showing me the events I missed in Austin's life. The ones I actually wanted to know were if he actually still knew I existed. Oh how that same question killed me every single day as I watched him just be happy.

As I sit there I soon look to his phone, seeing his dms open to mine that contained my new number. So he did see my dm… So he did have a chance to talk to me, but he didn't take it. He really didn't want me in his life, did he?

I could feel my heart get heavy at the thought. He really did want me gone. What did I even do? Was I a horrible friend? Is that what he wanted to tell me? He wanted to tell me I was a horrible friend… Right?

I fucked up, didn’t I?

"What's wrong man?" I hear Alex speak up. My gaze immediately averts over to Alex who stands outside his bunk, looking in at Austin. Alex’s face reads his worriness. His eyes showing sadness at his friend’s expression. I soon follow his gaze to look at Austin who’s gaze looks directly at Alex which means through me. It feels as if Austin's eyes are locked in mine.

Oh those beautiful hazel eyes that I just love so much…

I find myself reaching out to Austin, placing my hand firmly on his cheek. My thumb casually rubs against his skin. He doesn't react though because I know he doesn't feel it. I'm just glad to be touching him after all this time of being apart. His skin feels so soft. His face looks so much more mature too. He isn't the same Austin he was when he was back home.

He grew up and moved on…

"Kaitlin, that’s all," he voices, soon leaning over to hand Alex his phone. I quickly move my hand from his face as he started to lean over. He goes over me, somehow having some sense I was there. But he didn't know. For gods sake, I didn't even know I'd be there. I never imagined it.

"Austin, text her!" Alex pesters, handing Austin the phone back eagerly.

Austin just lets out a sigh, making my heart race. This is the moment when he decides not to do it. Am I right?

“I can’t… I promised myself…” he says, making my heart break into a million pieces. Why won’t he? Why did he promise himself? I just continue to ask those questions. Why did he even want to stop talking to me in the first place? We are best friends.

Were best friends, Kaitlin.

“Break the promise, Austin. You aren’t the same guy anymore. You need her. You know that,” Alex says and soon continues, “She needs you.” My face softens as Alex’s tone gets serious. I did need him. I needed all of him. I always have and I always will as much as I try to deny it.

I had gotten over Austin but just having all these old memories with him makes me remember how I felt about him. I’ll always love him, but he won’t ever know and I’ll just continue to deny it. I think I’m just feeling this way because I miss him. A lot. I just needed my best friend back.

Austin and I did everything together. We couldn’t be separated. Our moms even brought it up. Every since we were about 9, we were inseparable. He was my neighbor too so he came over all the time. Even at 1 in the morning he’d sneak into my room and we’d just cuddle. We were so close… I can’t believe the things we did meant nothing to him.

I was Austin’s first kiss and he was mine. I was that underwater kiss he always talks about. We both were talking about how we hadn’t kissed anyone and he asked if he could be the first one and all of the sudden he kissed me underwater. It was just a friendly gesture since we both were nervous. We just wanted to get it over with and we both were special to each other.

Cute right?

That’s what I thought.

“Alex! I can’t! You know that!” Austin replies, getting angry. I’d never seen Austin so angry too except for the time he found out my boyfriend had cheated on me. You could basically see the steam coming out of his ears that day. Let’s just say that boyfriend is an ex now.

Alex wasn’t intimated by Austin one bit. Alex has probably seen this side of Austin way more times then I did. Austin hates to fight or raise his voice at anyone. He has never fought with Alex. No matter how angry they both get at each other. They never fight.

“Austin! For gods sake you’re not going to get over her! You never will so just text her back! She’s still in your mind, don’t you think that’s a sign! Austin, just give in to your feelings! She probably has the same for you!” Alex spat, before shaking his head and walking off. He didn’t even look back at Austin.

Get over me? What does he means?

I look back to Austin but he’s not there. I’m not in the bus anymore.

The memory was gone and I couldn’t go back.