memories ﻬ am

Twenty-Seven

Kaitlin Winchester

Austin has been drinking smoothies now, and I just would sit on his lap in the hospital bed as the two of us watching a full marathon of ‘Friends’ and soon it was Family guy. Austin was tweeting about it and also tweeting fans that were being very supporting and loving to Austin. He also heard about my cover, watching it and forcing me too as well. He just smiled so big at me and I knew he was proud.

I play with Austin’s fingers as we start to watch Family Guy.

“You know, I really do love you,” I let out, not looking him in the eyes. But by the squeeze he gave to my hand I know he was looking at me. I continue too, “Like this isn’t just teenage love, I actually am in love with you and I hope we can be together for a long time and get married and have kids. And I know you never expected me to say that, but with you not speaking it just gave me a lot of time to think about us and what I want. And I want you, Austin.”

I look up, seeing Austin’s glossy eyes down on me. I know he wants to say something back, but I shake my head. I tell him its okay and I even continue, “You make me really happy. Like without you I don’t know what I’d do. You’re like my other half and you keep me going every day. And I hate when we fight. Our fight before all of this was stupid. It was so stupid and I just love you and I was being selfish. And I hate sharing you with everyone else in the world. But I let it go because I love you, Austin Carter Mahone. I can’t see myself falling in love with someone else when I already have everything I’m looking for.”

“And I know how stupid this must sound and how it’s so random. I just really care about you. I do everything I do for you. I’m use to this media, and the hate because I love you. Me loving you is all that matters and you love me. You loving me makes me feel so lucky. I have you, this boy I have always wanted to have since I was younger. I never thought we’d end up together you know? And us growing old together... that’d be all I ever want. I’m in love with you, Austin. I’m not just in love with the thought of a relationship, but I’m in love with you and everything I’ve learned about you and everything you do for others. And you make me feel like no one ever has before and I feel like I’m your princess even though I don’t deserve it,” I let out, not even breaking eye contact with him. He just licks his lips in response because that’s all he can really do.

“Austin, I don’t know what you’re thinking right now or even every second of the day, but I hope it’s of me. I can only wish because I think about you a lot. Even when you were gone you were all I thought about. I told myself I didn’t love you anymore when in fact I did. I wanted there to be an us. You’re still my best friend, but also the boy I want to marry, the boy I want to have my first with. I just... I’m fucking in love with you, okay?” I state, and Austin smiles at me. I smile back of course, unable to resist.

“I love you,” he says, but it’s in a whisper. Before he can continue and hurt his voice anymore, I place my lips to his. I kiss him with all the passion in me and he does the same. He places his hand on the lower of my back, supporting me. I just clutch onto his neck, kissing him hard. There’s so much passion and love in this kiss, but it’s hard and sexy. Whenever we’d pull back for air we’d go straight back to each other’s lips. I’d bite at his, he’d bite at mine. It was getting heated, and his hands went under my shirt soon begging to take it off, but I stop him.

“Fuck, you turn me on,” I let out, breathless. He just chuckles, and then coughs a bit. It gets me a little worried, so I simply rub his back. But still he manages to smile at me. I don’t know how this kid is in so much pain, but still smiling.

I decide to return the favor. I place kisses all over his face, and every time before I kiss a new spot I say, “I love you.” And it’s fast and quick. He just let me do my thing, and finally I had stopped. I moved off his lap to next to him, while he sat up and pulled out his music stuff like his piano, and laptop. And other fancy stuff I didn’t know the name of.

He sets it up, and I simply watch him do so. I had gone behind him now, sitting on my knees, and letting my hands run up and down his bare back that was showing. He didn’t mind though, and I notice him smile in enjoyment. I soon rest my chin in the crook of his neck and watch as he got to work on his music.

Without thinking, I place kisses on his back. This makes him let out a moan, but soon I felt him pull away to get me to stop. I had to giggle a bit, taking it as I sign he really wanted to get some work done. I decide to take this as a sign to leave. So I press a kiss to his temple before making my way out to get some food of my own.

@KaitlinWinchester: I love just being honest with someone and feeling like it was the right thing to say.

@KaitlinWinchester: I haven’t eaten for two days because I had better people to care for then for myself.

This was true. I’d been with Austin all the time, finding no time in there for myself to eat. I just didn’t see myself in need to care for myself when I needed to be with Austin. I had to make sure he was okay.

When I head down to the cafeteria I notice Lily and Alex first. Lily is holding Alex’s hand as the two chat away. Some how Lily is making Alex laugh and smile so big. And I just watch as Lily watches him, pure love in her eyes. And then Alex would crack a joke back to her and she’d start laughing. Something about her laugh would make Alex smile a little wider then before. He just seemed to enjoy her company a lot. And I could tell his admiration for her in his eyes.

When I looked over at another table I saw Marina cuddled up in Rob’s lap asleep while he simply ate his sandwich. He’d glance down at her every once in a while and he’s end up smiling a bit. Then he’d just back to eating, but soon her beauty would distract him once again. He’d play with her hair a bit, and then kiss her forehead which would make her fix herself on his lap. This meant she was awake by Rob didn’t care. He let her sit there on his lap and he’d just play with her hair.

Being in a relationship changes you. You sort of see the world in someone else’s eyes along with your own. You’d see how they react to things and you’d see how they liked to be touched and seen as. You just were with someone who was your other half. They understood you like no one else had. You honestly felt the happiest with the person and seeing my friends with the boys you could just tell we were all happy.

I had picked up my tray of food by now and notice Austin had tweeted.

@AustinMahone: @KaitlinWinchester I wish I could’ve told you how grateful I am for you too today. Come back to the room, I miss youuuu

I have to smile bit, and when I look back up I notice how happy Lily and Marina were in this moment. I notice how happy Rob and Alex are. I even notice how happy everyone is. And this felt right. I knew nothing in this moment could be any less perfect then it already was.