memories ﻬ am

Seven

~Kaitlin Winchester~

“If you wanna go you can go, Kaitlin…” I hear a soft whisper say, making me lift my head up to reveal Mrs. Mahone looking down at my lifeless body. I couldn’t interact back so I just listened to what she had to say.

“I don’t want Austin to hold you back. I know how hard it is knowing your family is waiting for you up in heaven and you are just down here. But even if you do, he’ll continue to love you, do you know that?” Mrs. Mahone whispers. Who? Who will always love me? Who is she talking about?

“It has always been you Kaitlin… and it will always be you even if you decide it’s your time…” she whispers, squeezing my hand softly. I wanted to grasp it back and ask her who but I couldn’t. It’s nearly impossible to get her attention. I doubt she could hear me so I didn’t try.

“Just know you still have a family if you stay. You have Lily, Austin, and me. You also have your grandparents who love you so much. We just all want you happy and alive with us. I know for a fact Austin would spend every waking minute making up his mistake to you. He knows he messed up and he wants another chance,” Mrs. Mahone says and continues, “Plus, he’s a cute kid.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at her comment.

“And Kaitlin… I know you love him and I wanna tell you to keep fighting for him. I really do, but it’s your choice. I can’t tell you to stay and I don’t wanna drive you away. I want you here Kaitlin, I even missed so much in your life because I made a promise with Austin to stay far away from you and you wanna know why?” she says then soon comes to her question which turns into a low whisper.

I look at Mrs. Mahone waiting for her to say it. It was killing me. The one question I wanted to know and she has the answer.

“It’s because-” “Mom…” I hear someone speak up and I immediately avert my gaze over to see Austin. I started to walk to him without thinking and placed my hand on his cheek as he just stood there looking at his mom. Austin placed his hand up to his cheek, and it was soon resting on my hand. He then looked down a bit, and his hazel eyes were looking straight into mine.

How?

I pull away softly, and just sigh. He couldn’t see me. I know he couldn’t but he could feel my presence like usual. I had the most interactions with Austin, but I didn’t mind that. I honestly loved it because it’s the most we’ve had since forever.

Forever sure is a long time.

Austin sits down in the chair. His mom just sighs and exits and I so badly wanted her to come back and spit out the answer I was dying to hear. I needed to know why. I seemed to ask that question a lot. Why?

I watch as Austin sits down in the same chair and slides his hand back into mine like it’s some routine to him. He has done this for the past two weeks. He sits down, takes my small baby hand in his, and just watches me. He doesn’t say a word, he doesn’t even dare close his eyes for a moment. I could tell he was exhausted, but scared that if he fell asleep and woke up to find out I was dead he’d feel horrible.

“Austin, sleep. I’ll still be here,” I whisper to him in a loving manner. Austin just shakes his head and sighs. I always wonder how he can hear me so easily. It’s like I don’t need to try. He just hears me.

“Please… sleep, Austin. For me,” I push, placing my hand on his shoulder. All of the sudden Austin starts to choke up, and his eyes begin to as men say ‘sweat’. He was in a fit of sobs, not daring to break from it. I just rub his back in a comforting manner and say,

“You need to stay strong. For me. For Lily. For your mom. For you. I’m still here Austin. Don’t lose faith in me. I’m trying,” I say to him, wanting to kiss away his tears. Yet I couldn’t even do that and I wanted to. I just wanted to get out of this coma. I wanted to be with Austin.

“I’m not leaving, Austin. I finally got you back and I can’t lose you again,” I whisper, before moving my hand from his back and then I went on a walk down the hospital halls. I’m the only person in the halls since it’s about two in the morning. My loud walking is clearly heard but only to me. I was alone in wherever I was.

“When can I go home?” I let out to knowing, hoping whoever put me in here would answer. “Let me leave. I want to go home!” I say a little rougher. I didn’t know who I was yelling at. I didn’t know what I think all this yelling would do. All I knew is after I’d feel better for letting stuff out.

“I don’t want to die! Okay?" I finally have him back and I can’t leave. I wanna stay here because of that boy. That boy I fell in love with from the first day of Seventh Grade. The boy I told all my secrets too. The boy I shared my first kiss with. The boy who broke my heart for ignoring me. The boy who came back… I wanna live for him. I wanna live for Lily too. My best friend. She keeps me going just as much as Austin. If it wasn’t for her Austin wouldn’t be here.

“Just let me go home! I want to actually touch him. I wanna make sure he is actually is here! I just want to make sure he stays here. I just can’t lose him again! I won’t lose him again. That’s a fact,” I state and that’s when everything went black.