memories ﻬ am

Four

~Kaitlin Winchester~
 
I sit in the hospital room.  I think this situation over I wasn’t dead… but I wasn’t alive. I didn’t know what I was or even where I was exactly. I just stood in the waiting room, wanting to just wake up and continue on my life. I still had my family who would happily be awake. The accident wasn’t that bad.
 
Another part of me just wanted to die though because without Austin I was dead. I wasn’t as happy as I use to be. A part of my life was gone. It left me to fend for myself so as I sit here I wonder where he is. Does he know? Does he care?
 
Would Austin even come for me or was his tour more important? Austin and I use to be unbreakable so what happened to that? Why did that change? If I don’t die I’ll wake up empty after seeing all those memories. I can’t do anything about them too. I just let them sit there and kill me. They’d eat me alive.
 
I decide to lift my head up. I wonder if anyone cared to actually show up to see my family and I. Did anyone even know? Most likely right?
 
I walk in to find my best friend Lily Sanders there. Her brown hair curled, her sun kissed skin glowing, her blue eyes bloodshot from crying so much. I didn’t know she was here. I can’t believe this all happened and she had to find out. She was skipping school just to sit here and wait for me to wake up.
 
Lily and I are close. She is my best friend for a reason. She knows about Austin too, always listening to me rant and stress over him. I just can’t believe all the stuff he’s done to me which giving me reasons, answers. It was killing me and now here I am, almost dead.
 
I soon see my grandpa and grandma. They weren’t the happy ones I looked up to and remembered. They looked different. They had more wrinkles. They looked more stressed. I wonder why they are so depressed. No one has died yet, right? My parents are alive. Right?
 
“I can’t believe they’re gone,” I hear my grandma let out, making my heart quicken. My palms got sweaty as I took in her words. They? I know for a fact I’m not dead, but… oh my god.
 
My dad's gaze immediately goes to my mother. "Anything else you wanna say, Martha?" He jokes coldly, sarcasm in his tone completely. It's not the funny sarcasm, its the cold/evil sarcasm. The sarcasm that makes my skin crawl in fear.

"Just that you're a man whore," she harshly admits to him. I try my best to not speak up, even though I wanted to. My dad is about to retort, but instead he just presses his foot to the gas pedal thinking its a green light.
 
But it’s not.
 
Those were their last words… I witnessed my mom and dad fight before they died. I don’t even know why my mom called my dad a man whore. Had he been cheating on her? Did I not see their relationship behind the scenes recently? Or was this just some small fight that got out of proportion? I would never know.
 
My parents were gone. My dad wouldn’t get to walk me down on my wedding day or continue to get my cheesy ‘Best Father in the World’ awards. My mom wouldn’t help me plan a bridal shower for my first baby or help me raise my first kid. I lost them forever.
 
I don’t even have my family anymore.
 
That’s when I broke, my whole body falling to the floor my head crumpling into my hands. The tears just came up, and I didn’t stop that. I felt so much pain. The only people I could turn to in my life were gone. I lost them and Austin too because god knows where Austin is.
 
Austin probably doesn’t even care I’m here does he? He’d rather have me dead right?
 
“Right?” I scream out in anger, my crying getting harder. I couldn’t control my body’s emotions. My body just shuddered. Everything hurt. My head, my heart, just my whole body. I was in so much pain emotionally and physical. Everything I have is gone so why can’t I be gone too?
 
Just let me die.
 
I cry harder at the thought of dying. It scared me so much, but before I had taken it back I soon hear my life line go beep. That long beep that signals the fact your heart stops working. It stops beating. My heart only beats for the people I love and most of them are gone. They all left without a fight so why couldn’t I?
 
I notice a bright light soon making my way towards it, without even thinking about it. I wanted out. I wanted to just leave… I wanted to give up. I already lost this fight because I had no one left to really fight for.
 
I glance to Lily, fear struck on her face as she dials a number quick. The phone pressing to her eager and once again my curiosity kicks in. Who is she calling at this time? Was my death not that important to her?
 
I make my way over slowly, noticing how anxious she was. Her foot taps the floor impatiently, but soon stops as a certain someone picks up. I can feel my heart stop in anxiety at the wait for her to say the name of who she called. Who was so important to call at this time? Who could she possibly be updating on all of this?
 
“Austin? It’s Lily. Kaitlin… I think she’s dying.”