memories ﻬ am

Twenty-Eight

Kaitlin Winchester

Mistakes. That’s what had happened in the next 24 hours. I had walked in on a scene I never wanted to witness. I watched as Camila Cabello kissed my boyfriend in his hospital bed, and my heart broke even more as he kissed her back. I could just blink as I forced myself to watch the situation because he didn’t push her away. I didn’t know why either, and I know I shouldn’t stick around.

A scream behind me broke my gaze away. “What the fuck, Austin!?!” Lily roared, pushing me behind her. I just simply looked back to the scene in front of me where Austin looked confused at Camila and then suddenly angry. Camila just backed away, scurrying out of the room and I knew I should storm after her. I should rip her fucking hair out of her skull, but I just couldn’t.

I wanted to make sure Austin was okay, but I know I shouldn’t because he’s a fucking asshole for doing that to me. I don’t even know why he would do that to me. I just felt so much remorse. It hurt to even witness that, and he kissed back. Why would he do that?

“I-I-“

“Baby, I thought it was you. I was sleeping and she kissed me. I thought it was you, Kaitlin… I promise,” he barely spoke, but my heart still was crushed. I didn’t have any words to say how I felt right now and I wasn’t going to speak.

Lily rushed me out of the room before tears could spill from my eyes. All I could really do was let Lily drive me to the hotel while Alex rushed to Austin’s side. Austin had Alex and I had Lily, but I felt like I had no one. I felt alone and that was rare because I usually didn’t since Austin was back around.

Moments like this make me miss my mom because I would’ve been able to cry to her and talk to her about it. She usually listened to stuff like that from me, but now I had no one to and I didn’t wanna talk to Lily.

I just wanted to go home and cry.

~~~

Lily wouldn’t leave my hotel room for a few days, but all I wanted was to be alone. So finally I told her straight up to just go away. I lied and told her I was fine because I just didn’t wanna hold in my tears anymore. All I needed to do was cry but with Lily around I just felt like I couldn’t. I didn’t wanna look weak. I wanted to be strong and act like this didn’t bother me. Austin was staying in a house now, and I was stuck in this hotel room since I didn’t wanna see him. He kept calling and texting and checking up on me and as amazing as he was it was just starting to fade off of him. All I could see was him kissing Camila and it wouldn’t wash away.

A part of me always feared this, and it happened. And I had to trust Austin thought it was me, but I just wasn’t comfortable with doing that. I didn’t feel happy in this moment so it was hard to accept the truth.

I needed my mom.

I needed my dad.

I needed the past because it was obvious Austin didn’t fit into my future. I have to accept girls are crazy about him. They’ll do anything just to kiss him and touch him and I just realized how uncomfortable that made me. I know deep down Austin wouldn’t have purposely broke my trust like that. I guess I just wasn’t the right girl for his life style. He wasn’t the not famous Austin I knew. I know deep down he left me behind too because I wasn’t ready for his life style and he was right.

Like usual Austin seemed to find a way to be right. 

I always saw Austin as the person in the relationship to always be right. He always seemed to treat me so well, and he always had a point with his words. He was just naturally a good person, but his lifestyle made things harder and him seem horrible. I said I was use to it, but just Camila doing that proved to me I was wrong.

@KaitlinWinchester: The timing was just wrong between us

I found myself buying a ticket straight home to San Antonio. It wasn’t Miami. I was going to go home home where I belong. My parents house was still owned by my grandparents. I could start my life up back down there and finish school with my old class mates. I just had to get away.

A knock on my door makes me get up. I didn’t wanna know who was on the other end, but I had to face reality. I had to get this over with so I opened it straight up. But the only person I found was Michele. She sent me a sad smile before entering. I didn’t mind either because honestly I needed a mom figure.

When I shut the door I immediately wrapped my arms around her and I cried. She rubbed my back just like any mom, and she just tried to calm me down. That wasn’t going to happen any time school because I was a mess without Austin. I was a mess ever since seeing him kiss her. I didn’t see myself getting fixed either.

“He’s so worried about you, Kaitlin. You need to just talk to him,” she whispers. She doesn’t dare raise her voice like usual. She was being gentle with me.

“I’m breaking up with him,” I let out in sobs as I clutch onto her shirt.

She doesn’t speak after that. She just clutches onto me tighter, rubbing my back and letting me finish up my sobs. I wasn’t thinking that straight, but I also knew what my heart wanted and that was a break. But also my heart longed for him. It really did and I just was scared to put myself back there with him to only get hurt.

“Are you sure about this? Please just talk to him. He’s right outside,” she admits, and for some reason I relaxed at the fact he was here. But I couldn’t see him right now I was a mess.

“I can’t. But later I’ll talk to him. I just need time.”