memories ﻬ am

Eight

Austin Mahone

I keep my hands locked in her. I didn't care how clammy my hands were. I just kept them entwined with hers. I didn't wanna let go, but I also didn't want to cut off her circulation from holding on too tight.

She lays there; her body is so limp and lifeless. I can't do anything to save her. This was her fight and it left me scared. Shitless to be exactly because the girl I've wanted all along could possibly pass way without even bidding me a fair goodbye.

I sure gave her a fucked up goodbye and if we were never going to get a proper one I would blame myself. If we were still talking she'd be happy and not have gotten here. It has to be my fault. If I didn't ignore her. If I wasn't such an asshole.

I rub my thumb against her still soft skin, not caring that even I could smell my own self. I wouldn't leave her side for more then five minutes. She needed me. I needed her. This is how it should be.

I should be holding her hand. I should be by her side 24/7. I should be the one to comfort her The one to give her hope.

"Don't leave me, Kaitlin... please..." I whisper as I look down at her body. She looks so helpless, so hurt. Why did I have to think about myself and be so selfish? I love her and I left.

Yeah, I'm in love with Kaitlin. Ever since Taylor cheated on me at the dance, the night of the Austream I knew I loved her. The way she laughed. The way she smiled. The way her nose would scrunch up when I tickled her. The way she would sing with me soft as I drove her around town. The way she would be there for me when no one else would. The way she would flip her hair over her shoulder when people would stare at her and not realize how beautiful she was.

The Mahomies knew I loved her. They know me more then I know myself.

Camila and I were just friends. That's all I wanted to be with her, but people just pushed us together. We had to act like a couple for publicity. She meant nothing to me. I just imagined I was there with Kaitlin. It was never about Camila.

My heart belongs to Kaitlin and it always will.

I missed her so much, it actually killed me. I was being a stupid boy, pushing her away and thinking about myself. I should've realized how much it hurt her.

"You have to go. No more visits from you. You have a tour to go back to," I hear someone speak up. My head snaps to the voice immediately to reconizge it to be Alex. Alex came here a few days ago to help me through this, and now he's taking me away.

"No."

Alex is taken back at my harsh tone, making me sigh at the fact i just used it on my best friend.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I'm just-"

"I understand. But we need to go. It's been five weeks!" Alex lets out, frowning. I even frown because I know what he was suggesting. She wasn't coming out of this anytime soon and it killed me.

I had my Mahomies and I know they needed me so I just nod my head. No I wasn't happy about leaving, but Kaitlin knows how much I care for my Mahomies. She'll understand. They'll tell her I came. I'll leave a note too so if she wakes up she'll get it. I'll give her my new number. I can't lose contact once again.

As much as I would like to be here when she wakes up, I can't. I'm a popstar. I have people to watch over and perform for. I have everything I've ever wanted except one thing.

Kaitlin still wasn't mine.