You don't understand
I don't want to be sad
But for some reason
I can't get myself to be happy
It's like the clock ticking at night
Just keeps me awake
The dishwasher running
Is no lullaby in the dark
Everything just adds up
Leaving me alone in the late hours
People sleep and dream
But not me
It's like I can't force myself to doze off
My brain won't stop working
It's not even functioning properly
Yet it's keeping me up
My eyelids are heavy
My body is sore
My head is screaming
But I will not sleep tonight
And because I am sad
The only comfort I can find
Is in other depressing things
That make me feel less alone
I need to stop bringing myself down
As I lift others up
I act so cocky in public
To hide my insecurities
The jokes and remarks I make
May seem rude about you
Or narcissistic about me
But it's just a scam
These feelings I hide
In the only way I know to cope
A defense mechanism
That gives me a fighting chance
You see when I stay up past a reasonable bedtime
I start to think about myself
And how I affect others
Reviewing my life and actions
It's never positive
I simply don't know what to do
I just end up hating myself more
My little self destructive attitude
Fix it please
I don't know how to react
Maybe I don't want to
Help me please
But you don't hear these cries
Because you are asleep
I should be too
But I will not sleep tonight
The dogs barking outside
Are pounding in my head
The shadows in my room
Are what my eyes search for
Maybe someone is outside
Maybe I won't ever leave this room again
Or maybe the dogs are just barking into the wind
Or at each other
I honestly don't know anything
Except the fact I'm not tired
My body aches from constantly moving
But it's my brain that's busy tonight
I love you
I don't know if you love me
I don't think I want you to
I hate myself
It's into the a.m.
I think I might scream
I'm still lost in my mind
But I will not sleep tonight
*****
Everything is so much. So loud. So bright. It's too much.
~Luna Galaxy, a fallen star
YOU ARE READING
bloodied whispers
Poetrywe don't know how to word things sometimes we're all poets with scattered thoughts we're still finding out who we are and who we're meant to be so let's discover our future no longer lost in the forgotten past ***** a collection of poems by yours...
