bloodied whispers

rain check

i need a rain check
tonight is not good for me
i feel like wilted rose petals
falling and crying

it's all in my head
the lights have all gone out
my words don't atone my sins
i am not afraid of imperfection

bleeding on this paper
have i given enough to this world
how much more must i sacrifice
to be good again

i stay up
there's not enough time in the day for me
but time is a man made social construct
and it doesn't control me anyways

i have become one of the kindest souls
forged from fire
a world burning
because it was not so kind to me

i am hyper aware of our reality
we are the warriors
who paved the roads
out of guilt

my goal in life
is to make this place better for someone else
the world needs to be softer
too many rough hands and cold stares

our chaos is a work of art
but mine is a masterpiece
you said you feel tired
but i am wide awake

it is these nights
where i cancel plans
knowing tomorrow i will be busy
catching up on the lies i missed today

my heart doesn't beat enough times in the day
for me to properly share my love
i see the good in everyone
so why can't i find it in myself

dangerously intelligent
my brain is too fast for my hands to write
so these scribbles become blurs
and my writing becomes meaningless

the throbbing in my head
the pounding in my chest
fighting to break loose
maybe i am meant to be defenseless

who was i
before i tried to save the world
who was I
before i tried to save you

i feel out of place
people keep asking me who i want to be
i keep guessing
i hope one day i won't have to guess

change your mind
and then change it again
cruel situations
false hopes

everything i touch turns to gold
it doesn't work on myself though
maybe that's why i feel so flawed
so worthless

we leave too much unsaid
so i scream everything
a constant yelling
of why you deserve the world

*****

you deserve the world

~Luna Galaxy, a fallen star