bloodied whispers

fallen dominoes

when one anxiety strikes
everything falls at once
until I'm laying alone on the cold floor
surrounded by nothing but knives

i am dying to breathe
these bones in my hands
shake
and tremble

i continue to scream and fight
for something i could never win
i have carved out my heart
as blood dripped down my body

why am i afraid to write these poems
when i know you don't care anymore
i need someone
to remind me who i am

because without you
i feel lost
you get this numbness
when you lose your best friend

and it hurts
god it hurts
when i see you talk to other people
and ignore me

because that means you're not the problem
it means i am
and i don't think i can deal with that
that pain

the pain of not being enough
that me being myself was wrong
something about me
made you stop talking to me

i don't get it
i don't get it
i don't get it
i don't get it

my monsters have won
i think they've broke down the door
or did i let them in?
either way i am so scared of what they'll do to me

what do they want from me
when i am every mistake a mortal could make
these smoky eyes and shadowed fingers
haunt me in the mirror

I'm just a mess of letters and numbers
everything coming at me at once
words keep me from dying
words make me want to die

but your words?
they're nonexistent
and they
hurt the worst

but when i start to think of you
i remember so many things

you once told me i was so intelligent and beautiful
were those lies?
or did you mean them at the moment
and now no longer feel the same

we have been through so much
death and tragedy
fun and excitement
happiness and bliss

now
i feel so alone
isolated
left to disappear

these dominoes fall
each thing
piling up
and i do what i do best

i bottle it all up

*****

is our friendship a joke? or am i?

~Luna Galaxy, a fallen star