Popularity | Taejin ✔︎

seven

Jins P.O.V

Dear Taehyung,

I can't say that I know you but it feels like my body has met you before. From a different time. My body reacts on it's own and I didn't notice when it started. When I see you butterflies form in my stomach, my legs grow shaky and I can't seem to be in my right mind around you. You make me nervous without knowing I exist.

You make me feel a certain way I've never felt before. With this feeling I stay up all night and I sometimes cry because I know you will never know. You can't know yet I can't sleep with myself at night knowing that it's eating me away. I could never work up the courage to talk to you. Your friends would think weirdly of me and I'm afraid you will be influence by their words. I stay in the sidelines as I admire you and everything about you.

You don't know that you are handsome, you have an amazing smile, your eyes hold so much and I can't ever look you in the eyes to see what your life brings me. I know all you are is pain in my life because your actions can change your future in just a click of a button. If only you weren't popular then maybe I could have confessed my feelings to you by now. Before that happens I'm stuck writing letter after letter of what I want to say.

"Jin! Are you going to sing?" Ji-min pulls me from my reading holding on to a microphone in front of a TV. I forgot we went out for karaoke since we haven't hung out in a group for a while. I don't know how long we have been here but it was enough time that we got hungry and ordered food. Hobi munches on everything as he was trying to sing with Ji-min. They are out of breathe and their smiles don't disappear as Ji-min still motions towards the microphone for me to grab.

I put away the letter I had written into my jean pocket. The letter I wrote just a day before I confessed to Tae-hyung. Before it all became like this. "Let me use the restroom first, okay? Go ahead and do another song without me." I stand from the couch and exit the room. Without thinking I take the letter out of my pocket to read it again. This is the fifth time I've read this today. Since yesterday, the day I went to tutor Tae-hyung I went on a rampage of reading all the letters I wrote for Tae-hyung. I didn't know I wrote so many till yesterday and it's almost sad how much time I spent thinking about him and writing about him.

Before I confessed my feelings I wrote letters to Tae-hyung that I knew he wouldn't receive. I wrote them to get my feelings out without bothering or annoying my friends then I would fold it up and place it in a box with the rest. I was sappy from what I've written so far. Fifty-one letters I have written just for him. He got so much out of me. The way I wrote about Tae-hyung was hard to explain. I love him. I love him...and he had the audacity to ruin my confession and terrorize me. I cried so many nights because I didn't have him.

I enter the men's bathroom and slip into the first stall closing the door. I don't use the restroom I just sit down on the toilet seat. The letter in my hand I read on from where I was stopped.

I always wonder what you might think of me. Or if you even know I'm alive and by any chance know my name. But I know you are alive, nobody could walk past you without thinking or knowing your name. I am sure you know that you are a handsome man. A man of my dreams. Your eyes shine so bright when I dream of you. I want you to smile and for me be the cause of it.

Sincerely, Jin

P.S I love you.

I groan and bury my face into the paper. Just looking back at these I'm making myself love Tae-hyung once again but even more. I had to say all of this for a reason. Looking back at the letters I found I sounded so cringey. So in love. My heart had to pick him. He is a senior and won't be here next year and that almost helps me. And he is popular for his looks as well his group that only consists of Jung-kook and Yoon-gi. He couldn't put it out there that he is gay. He could just be playing me like he does to everyone, every girl. He isn't gay though. It's only because I confessed my feelings that he wants to tease me and get on my nerves. It's working.