Popularity | Taejin ✔︎

ten

Jin's P.O.V

"Jin, you haven't eaten in two days," Nam-joon sets my food down on my nightstand beside me. "If you keep up like this you'll never go home. Please eat." He says sadly giving me slight pity.

He doesn't know why I'm like this so he shouldn't be telling me to eat. I shake my head. I don't want to eat, I have lost my appetite and it's all because of Tae-hyung and my stupid self. The memories keep popping in my head and the scenes won't stop playing in my head. The fact he is dating a girl won't leave me alone and each time I think about it I feel a sense of guilt and sadness. Leaving me not to eat and I don't feel that hungry. Three days ago the doctor told me I had overworked myself and that I should get plenty of rest before I head home. My parents haven't came to see me once since I've been here. My brother is visiting soon while. Ji-min and Hobi visited me right when I got here and was there when I woke up.

They had treats for me, told me stories and gave me notes from school. They made me laugh and played games with me. Many things they do for me and I never get to repay them. I miss them already. Hobi and Ji-min, my Sunshine Group, what happened to us? I wasted my time and energy on someone that only hurts me in the end. I have to make it up to them one day when I get better.

"Jin, are you okay?" Nam-joon reaches for my hand but I pull back.

"I'm fine. You need to go home now, it's late." I make up an excuse.

"I won't leave until you eat. I'm worried...your friends are also worried"

How sweet. It's kind of disgusting now to know Nam-joon likes me. What I had for him- did I have a thing for him? I feel like I used Nam-joon as a distraction from Tae-hyung. Pure selfish. Haven't I said this already once before? Nam-joon was the new student and we happened to hit it off. He is kind and cares for me what else can I ask for? What a friend does is care for the other friend. If things get out of hand I couldn't say it's my fault though I feel like I'm leading him on ever since we met. But maybe this is how it's supposed to be, how things are going to be destined. He is blind to what I have for Tae-hyung. Nam-joon is never there when Tae-hyung is but I know Nam-joon doesn't like Tae-hyung for the rumors going around. Tae-hyung only set that rumor up for Nam-joon because something ticked him off Clearly. I don't get why Tae-hyung acted that way when he first met Nam-joon and he was rude to me when all I was trying do was step up for Nam-joon.

"That's really nice of you and nice of them," I cringe, "but please, leave. I don't want to keep you away from your family." I point out.

"I live alone already, I told you this before."

"Then go visit your parents or do anything else besides stay here." I blow up from frustration. I'm still not over the Tae-hyung situation and no one knows about it and the first person I'm going to tell is not Nam-joon.

"I know you like Tae-hyung." Nam-joon brings up.

I don't react but my head twitches from his words. He knows? "I am not stupid, I've seen photos online." Nam-joon tells me.

"What is it to you?" I say with a dry voice.

"You shouldn't waste your time on him. All he does it make up rumors to get what he wants,"

"You don't think I already know that? I've known since the first time I met him." I mumble knowing that my words now don't matter.

"Please, don't go around him anymore, put your time on me."

I groan and rub my eyes with the palm of my hands. I don't really need to be hearing this right now. I wish Seok-joong would burst into the room and make me feel better. He's the only the person I can talk to about this. I stand out of my bed going to the window in my room. Dirty shoe prints lead to inside from the window and towards the door. Tae-hyung. And Nam-joon didn't have time to notice that. The sun shines brightly through the glass hitting my skin making me feel warm. My eyes fall down to the ground outside. "Why haven't you left yet?" I can sense myself smirking. Why am I becoming like this? Is it because I've been hurt? It has to be.

"Jin-"

"One more time," I breathe, "leave."

"Fine, I won't fight with you. Just know that I like you more than Tae-hyung does." Like that Nam-joon left. The door closed lightly behind him.

There it is, the confession I didn't know I was waiting for from Nam-joon. I can't keep dragging this on because he will only get hurt like I did. The thing is I didn't reject him right away so he thinks I still have an answer to give him. But my answer is as clear as day, no. I can't ignore him because I have class with him and he sits directly right next to me. Avoiding is out of the question. Soon Ji-min and Hobi are going to question what happened between me and Nam-joon. I'm not ready having to explain everything to them. If only I didn't confess to liking Tae-hyung I wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe then I would have confidently fell for Nam-joon and forgotten about Tae-hyung in a more healthier way.

A moment later the door opens once more. "Didn't I say for you to leave?" I snap my head to the door witnessing my older brother. "Seok-joong. I'm sorry, I thought you were..."

"Doesn't matter. I brought food, want some?" My brother comes in and sits on my bed as I stay by the window.

"I'm fine," I go back to looking out the window, ahead in the city. "Where is mom and dad?" I ask him.

"They didn't want to come." I can tell he is being honest.

"Why-"

"Mom won't answer my calls and she isn't home. Dad is on another business trip."

The stomach in my pit from Tae-hyung grows deeper and the fact my parents never came makes it worse. I don't understand, I had told my mom basically that I liked men but I guess she didn't get it. My dad on the other hand, I wanted to make him proud more than my mom. When I was younger I saw boys with their fathers always going out and doing fun things and I knew me and my dad would never be that way. My dad was caught in work and I didn't get on single text message from him but he did contact my older brother more than me. My dad has forgotten my birthday two years in a row before. Nothing much you can do. "Did you invite anyone to the wedding yet?" Of course Seok-joong would bring this up.

"I did but I'm not going."

"You're not going. Why? It's my wedding day, you have to go. This only happens once a lifetime." He chuckles.

"She will just break it off with you in a couple months, you know it too. Yet you still want to get married so mom and dad will stop bothering you. But you know in your heart you can't stand that woman even if it meant living your whole life with her, am I wrong?"

I don't glance at him, knowing he is mad. "I'll leave the food here. I will look forward to you changing your mind about attending my wedding." With that he leaves.

I eye the food. Gross. Sighing, I go to the bag of treats and dispose of it. If I'm not eating today then I might never eat again. And that's coming from a person who loves food. I think I lost three people this week, in under four days. Wow. Nice going. I'm just in a place where I don't want to associate with anyone until I get better and when that day comes I'll have a lot of apologizing to do.

My phone sits on the nightstand right by the food Nam-joon brought in. Dead. I don't want to talk to anyone anyways. Life is complicated now. If Tae-hyung messaged me an apology which I don't think he did I wouldn't forgive him anyway. There is no way I will go back to Tae-hyung when everybody at school knows him, everybody judges him, everybody likes him or hates him. But nobody could have these feelings I have deeply for Tae-hyung. And now I'm confused what these feelings could be. Because right now all I can feel is hurt. If only popularity didn't matter and what people say doesn't matter. Words can kill you. They can push you over the edge and that is the last thing I need right now. I know if I were to com foreward about my feelings someone will tell me that they either think I'm disgusting or that Tae-hyung would find me disgusting. Now I have to deal with Nam-joon confession another day because it is my fault.