Blood and Tears

This is Happiness.

Gilbert came into my room and sat on the edge of the bed. I sat up and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around me and we sat like that for a while until the doctor peeked his head in. "Would you like your family in here too?" Do I? What if they judge? If they're disgusted in me? But... On the other hand... Would they want to help? I thought about it then nodded my head. "Yes please." The doctor left and Gilbert spoke up. "Vhat did jou vant to ask?" I looked up at his red eyes.

"It's just... something I need help with... deciding I mean." He nodded and kissed me. "I missed jou." I smiled and buried my face in his shirt. "I know. The doctor told me that you begged the nurses' to let you stay." He started to studder and I looked at his face. It was bright red. "I-I didn't beg! I uh.. I tried to persvay zhem vith my awesome skills! Yeah zhat's it!" I started to laugh and he smiled. "Vhat are jou laughing at?" I smiled wider. "You begged. Don't deny it." He grumbled something under his breath and pouted.

I kissed his cheek and leaned against him. "I think that's sweet. Thank you Gil." He kissed the top of my head. We gently rocked back and forth until the doctor and my family came in. He closed the door and stood in the middle of the room. "Okay! So, I was talking to Matt here and he made a choice." Alfred looked at me. "What kind of choice?" I looked up at Gilbert and he nodded. He didn't know but he supported me to say what was on my mind. I held out my arms for them to see.

"You all know I cut." They all nodded. "And the umm, voices." I said a little uncomfortably. "And the suicide attempt." Francis and Arthur's faces drained of colour. "WHAT?!" They yelled at the same time. Gilbert broke in before they could say anything else. "Both of jou shut up und listen!" They shut up and stared at me, bewildered. "So he has decided that he want's to get profesional help." The doctor finished. "Wait, what do you mean 'profesional help'?" Alfred asked.

"Gilbert helps keep the voices away. The only reason I'm alive is because he saved me from the, the..." Gilbert shook my shoulder lightly. "Jou don't have to say it Birdie. Zhey'll understand." I nodded and curled under his arm. I could hear his heart so I focused on that and tuned out the world. Soon though, Gilbert awoke me from my trance. "Birdie, do jou vant to go home vith me?" Home? Yes, home. I nodded my head and the doctor left the room, leaving Francis, Arthur, Alfred, Gilbert and I alone.

Soon, we were on our way home. The car ride was quiet and so was my house when we arrived. As soon as we stepped inside, Gilbert ushered me up to my room, following behind after telling the others that he was taking me to rest. I opened my door and looked at my room for the first time in months. The room was still clean, but something was different. My... bed? The usually made bed was messy and there was an imprint in the middle like some one who had slept there didn't leave it for a good 12 hours.

I looked at Gilbert and pointed a finger at my bed. "Who was in my bed?" He flushed a little and looked away, placing his hand on the back of his neck. He cleared his throat. "Zhat vas... uh, zhat vas me. I couldn't sleep vithout jou beside me so, I did zhe next best sing." He smiled faintly, and I could feel a blush creeping up my neck. We changed into our pajama's and he stepped close and wrapped his arms around me. "I missed being able to sleep next to jou. I vas so lonely, und I couldn't sleep in my own bed." He picked me up gently and lay me down in my bed, then lay next to me, curling around my body protectivly.

My mind wandered around blissfully until Gilbert's breaths became even. I looked up at his face to see that he was fast asleep. I smiled and nuzzled closer to his chest, falling into a deep pleasant sleep. Later that night I was awoken by some one running their hand through my hair. I looked up to see Gilbert watching me lovingly. He leaned in and kissed me, then got up and left the room. I lay down and waited for him to come back, my eyes closing slowly. I heard him sneak in my room and close the door silently. I heard some clicks and a whirring noise, a final click and then Gilbert climbed back in the bed.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to him. "Shhh. Just listen. I found zhis song for jou." He pulled me into him so that my head was on his chest and music filled the room. "If you be my star, I'll be your sky. You can hide underneath me, and come out at night. When I turn jet black, and you show off your light. I live to let you shine. I live to let you shine. But you can skyrocket away from me. And never come back if you, find another galaxy, far from here, with more room to fly. Just leave me your stardust to remember you by." The sweet melody and the slow pace of the song made my heart burst at the seams.

"If you be my boat, I'll be your sea. The depth of pure blue just probe curiousity. Ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze. I live to make you free. I live to make you free. But you can set sail to the west if you want to, and pass the horizon till I can't even see you. Far from here, where the beaches are wide. Just leave me your wake to remember you by." I smiled and peeked my eyes up at Gilbert. His head was slowly moving to the left and right with the beat, softly humming the tune. The gentle nature of the song made me move deeper into Gilbert's arms, and he held me tighter.

"If you be my star, I'll be your sky. You can hide underneath me, and come out at night. When I turn jet black, and you show off your light. I live to let you shine. I live to let you shine. But you can skyrocket away from me. And never come back if you, find another galaxy, far from here, with more room to fly. Just leave me your stardust to remember you by. Stardust to remember you by." The song ended and began again, the slow melody embracing me into the warm waters of sleep. "Thank you Gil. I love the song." Gilbert kissed my temple. "Ich liebe dich Birdie." I nuzzled my face into his side. "Je t'aime aussi Gil."

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That night, I had a dream that reflected my whole life. Waking up in an empty field, Native America finding me, me finding America, all three of us living peacefully until England and France arrived. Being seperated from Native America and America, her disappearing, living with France, taken away by England, the American Revolution, becoming my own nation, World War 1, The Great Depression, World War 11, the war between America and I, and all through it all, being ignored. The depression, the voices, the notes, the suicide attempt, then, Gilbert. The looks he gave me in the meeting room, the way he blindly followed me around.

The look of fear on his face when he cut me down from the ceiling, the way he made me promise never to try that again, the way his whole body begged for me to live, our first kiss, the look of longing in his eyes. Taking me home to my country, the northern lights, the snow fight, blissful walks in the snow, the memories kept flooding in. The meeting, Russia aiming for Gilbert's shoulder, jumping in the way, the coma, waking up and seeing that the one I loved was there waiting for me. Gilbert's smiling face filled my dreams, the warmth of his body warming mine next to his. Yes, I thought. This is happiness.

~Okay guys, you HAVE to listen to the song. Oh my good golly gosh it is the best song ever! The song is called Boats and Birds or Stardust(To remember you by). I forget the person who wrote the song but credit goes to them!

But also this song reminds me of America's and England's past. THINK ABOUT IT! "But you can set sail to the west if you want to, past the horizon till I can't even see you." HUH?! Yeah, that's what I thought.

Anyway, sorry for the lack of updates, 10th grade is alot of writing, and I mean ALOT! But I will try to update as soon as I can as usual, and as always, Tell me what you think of this story! I love feedback and to hear people's opinions! Hope you enjoyed!