Lonely Hearts (Porter Robinson Fanfiction)

Skype Calls & Album Releases

hello friends!! its been like two weeks since i last updated but oh my gOD i met fitz and the tantrums and sir sly and saw foster the people and weezer front row!!! it was honestly so incredible and i would give anything to relive it again. i can't wait to go to another concert when cross country is over, eep. i'm honestly so so so exhausted - i've never felt this tired in my entire life. school is so demanding. i have NO time for anything on school nights.

also, i'm writing this right now later on in the week: i meant to write more, but i honestly just.. can't, i guess. i've been really sick and i think the cause is my anxiety and stress. i'm sorry. updating should be on normal timing after this, though.

love you all loads. xx

Every day was kind of like sleepwalking. It all moved in a repetitive cycle - wake up, go to classes, come home, eat, go to work, sleep. I'm pretty sure I resembled a zombie half the time. Tess was worried because I wasn't talking as much, but I reassured her that it was mostly just exhaustion. I wasn't really tired from school or work or anything though. I was just tired of being lonely.

It was the same feeling I'd had so many times before - the aching pit in my stomach, the endless emptiness in my head. Porter was gone, Martin had long forgotten about me, and Tess and Anton were far too busy hanging out together to be associating with a boring third wheel like me. I had considered calling Dillon to hang out, but I knew that he was busy as well and it'd just be a little odd without the others around.

I was laying in bed one night, two weeks after Porter had gone. It was around 12am, which usually meant just me pigging out on hummus and crackers and watching the latest season of Orange is the New Black. Porter had texted me earlier, saying that he was currently in San Francisco and that he missed me and was hoping that everything was going okay. its amazing but its kind of exhausting, he said. i keep finding myself thinking of that night on the roof and if you're thinking about it sometimes too. i really want to kiss you.

I had stared at my phone, wishing that it wasn't this hard and that I wouldn't have to constantly miss him. I used to laugh at girls that would get upset after being away from their boyfriends for such a short amount of time. Now that I think about it later, I can't control any of my feelings or emotions for someone. I can't blame someone for another person making them happy. Thats just what relationships are.

My computer had suddenly started resounding from the side of the room. I recognized the noise as the Skype call sound and my heart escalated in my chest, sending me running past my bed to my desk and clicking accept before I even realized who it was.

"Hey, you," Porter's smiling face beamed at me from the other side of the laptop. "What's up?"

A grin spread across my face. "You don't know how happy I am to see you." I shifted my position in the chair as a blissful feeling spread from my stomach down all the way to my toes.

He bit his lip. "I'm happy to see you too. I miss you so much."

My thoughts scrambled around inside my brain, and my face went stoic. "Isn't it like, 9 there? Shouldn't you be out performing right now?"

"Nah, the times are changed for tonight. Something about ticket sales." He shook his head, his dark brown hair falling in front of his face. After not seeing him for two weeks, it was kind of surreal to see him face-to-face. I wanted to reach through the screen and kiss his lips so badly it almost hurt.

"I'm so tired." I blurted without thinking. "Everything kind of wears me out. And I've only been in my classes for a couple of weeks."

"I feel the same way, but its different." He looked at me thoughtfully. "Are you doing okay?"