Lonely Hearts (Porter Robinson Fanfiction)

Aftermath

next week's update will be on a Monday/Tuesday as well, i'm going on a few vacations and it interrupts with my writing a lot. i've been very, very stressed because as well as keeping up with this story, i also have to do my summer reading and essays which i haven't even started on.

also, a very important sidenote:

i just got off an incredibly strong antidepressant and am having severe withdrawal symptoms. my depression and the medication were fucking with my memory and brain and i can't think of anything lately - from forming coherent sentences (especially on here) to trying to do my summer essays and giving up completely. please bear with me, this is so hard for me to do and if an update is a day or two late, its because i can't think straight, but i promise that i'm trying as hard as i can to write for you all.

thank you guys so much for getting me to 9k reads - i know that isn't a lot but i'm almost at 10k, which is crazy! i'm glad someone likes my writing other than me (and i don't really like most of it). thats still kind of shocking.

thank you. xx

I woke up in a sweaty daze.

When I opened my eyes, there was nothing but a road ahead of me. Internally I panicked, and a pang shot through my chest. I gripped my stomach and turned to try to look around.

Porter was to my left, his hands on the steering wheel. Obviously I was in a car, but where the hell were we going? And why did my chest hurt so badly? It felt like a thousand knives were digging into my heart.

"Porter," I choked out. I reached for his hand, and then realized it was on the steering wheel, driving us back from EDC, probably.

Then I realized what had just happened.

"No, no, no, no, no." I said, digging my nails into my thigh. "Where's Tess? Is she okay? Oh my god, I made you leave your set. Were you already done or...?"

I shrinked back and folded my hands in my lap, tears forming in my eyes. I had ruined Porter's entire night, and had already ruined Tess's. Why did my anxiety have to ruin everything?

"Thank god," He looked over at me, and I realized we had pulled up outside of his apartment back in the city. "Come here."

I reached out for him, throwing my arms around his chest and instinctively bursting into tears. He wrapped his arms around my frame and hugged me to him, whispering in my ear, telling me that it wasn't my fault, I couldn't be in charge of my racing heart. His hand rubbed circles onto my back as I continued to cry, stopping only to hiccup and grip Porter even tighter.

"I'm sorry," I choked out.

"Do you really think I care about leaving EDC?" He chuckled, running his thumb underneath my eyes, wiping away any remnants of my eyeliner. "I spent the whole day doing interviews and meeting people. I don't think I missed anything important, other than the last few sets." He gestured towards the time displayed on the dashboard. The glowing neon numbers showed the time: 9:32.

"Besides," he continued. "I spent only like, an hour today with you. I told you that I would try to find you when I wasn't busy, but I just had so much shit to do. As much as I tried to find time, I couldn't, and that made me upset."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Thats not your fault at all. It was my fault for being a loner and sitting in the bar when I could've been out there dancing with the rest of the crowd. Thats the point of EDC, isn't it?"

He looked straight ahead, then focused his eyes on me. "Thats not what its about at all - its about the music, about it uniting the people. You don't have to dance with everyone and get high to enjoy music, you just have to listen to it."