Fell in love with a spy-mirage fanfiction (1) ✔️

Chapter 40| Jealous

The fact is... I am forced to come back because I am a huge target. It didn't really help me to get out of my depressed state. It only means I will never be normal. I've to commit to this war and cooperate with the government to help them.
I had slept very well and now heading to get some food. I spotted Mirage next to that soldier again. She was laughing at something he told her. Pain waved through me and only reminded me no one will ever love me. It made me feel sick.

He seemed to have fun with him. I hated him for spending time with a slut like her. It's exactly what I scared me so much. I turned around and left. I am not even in the mood to work on some cassis or do workouts. I don't know what I want. Even interacting with the other Autobots is out of the question.
My best option is returning to my room. I closed the door and headed towards the bathroom, looking in the mirror. I am still a little bit too skinny, but it's getting better slowly. I ran my hand through my soft straight and long dark blonde hair. My blue eyes were a little dull due of sadness.

My scars are fading because of the energon and my fair skin started to heal nicely. I looked down at my body. The soldier had brown hair and isn't as slender and skinny as I am. She also has bigger breasts than I have. Perhaps Mirage liked that more.

I sighed and looked myself in the eyes again. Perhaps I am just not beautiful enough for Mirage. I sighed and sat back on my bed, scrolling through some sites about flirting. I really wanted it to work. I just want to impress him.

I spied on that female soldier and learned her name is Isabell. Mirage was with her all the time and joking with her. I watched everything in order to learn from it. "Cat, what are you doing?" I yelped and jumped up. Ironhide crossed his arms and gave me a look. "N-nothing, what are you doing?" I retorted.

"Asking you why you're spying," he mocked. "I am not... it's observing," I defended myself. Awkwardly I gazed at him. "Well alright..." he said and was about to leave. "I-Ironhide?"

He turned around, "do you think I am beautiful or ugly?" I asked. Confused he looked at me, "why do you ask?"
"Just curious..." I mumbled. "I think you're beautiful and you know I am honest," he said eventually. "Really?"
He nodded, "but... why does no one love me then?" He slightly cocked his head to the side.

"Where's that coming from?" He approached me. "Even if I try to be nice... still no one likes me and sometimes I don't know what I am doing wrong. Even my own brother... my mom... Perhaps my brother was right..."
"Okay, look... Cat. You just haven't found the right person yet and your brother was abusive, he's not right," he stated.

I gave a small nod and left. Mirage knocked on my door and entered my room later that day. I got up and looked at him. I can't blame him for not loving me. It's just painful and I have to accept it. At least I could kiss him once. "How do you feel?" He asked, breaking the silence. "I feel fine..."
He hummed and crossed his arms. "You've been avoiding me..." he began. "Why? What's going on?" He asked. "It's just pain... truth can be hard sometimes," I mumbled. He lifted my chin, "talk to me!" He insisted. "What do you want me to say? I hate the mental pain... I just hate it,"

He pulled me in a hug. I just didn't want a hug, I wanted his lips and his hands moving over by body. He nuzzled in my neck before pulling away from me. I could smell Isabell's perfume on him. Which means she has been very close to him. I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. He never jokes with me even if I am in a good mood and try to be actually nice and helpful. It all just doesn't natter. He doesn't like me...

"I have to go, but we will talk later," he said before leaving. We didn't take at all, when I had dinner that night, Mirage was sitting with Isabell again. I watched them interact closely and listened to what Isabell had to say. "Mirage... take my advice and dump Cat... you don't need her," he said. I watched anxiously his reaction. He wouldn't dump me... right?

"She's only a bother to you..." she added as he opened his mouth to speak. More people at the table he was sitting on agreed with her. Mirage sighed and said nothing. He's not denying it either. Does this mean that he's serious about it? My vision became blurry.
Quickly I looked down, poking with my fork in my food. "You can chose form so many people and you want to work with Cat... I mean there's a reason why you haven't told her about the other two cases..."

He's replacing me too... it hurt on every level. "You are already on the way of dumping her..." Isabell said and again, the others agreed with him. This is exactly why I usually don't let people in. I got up and headed for the kitchen. I then was about to leave but someone made me collapse by sticking out his foot. I collapsed pretty hard and hit my arm in process.

I groaned and got up, people laughed at me and called me stupid. I stormed off and slammed the door of my room closed with my hood hand. I headed for the bathroom, cooling my arm under the cold water. To reduce the swelling that started to form. I laid in bed and shut the lights. I did hear the door open but pretended I was asleep. The door closed again not too long after. Mirage doesn't care anyway...