Duh!

Severe Dejection

I am struggling to get air into my burning lungs. I can see firm ground in the distance but it's just out of reach. A wave of panic starts in my gut, rolling up my spine. I might not get through this.

No, this isn't a new extreme workout I'm floundering through or a flashback to water polo in my alma mater's leadership seminar. I'm treading water in the pool of my real life. It's getting harder to resurface, and I am running out of time. I am losing hope.

Is this what life feels like for you? Did you have every intention of swimming toward that now-distant island, but feel like you're sinking and the water is getting rougher?

I found myself there, too. I was doing everything right. I graduated elementary and was a salutatorian - thrived to become a top student, joined campus journalism, rolling out garbage cans, and stayed awake late at night to compose songs for others to earn extra money without my parents knowing it. I mean, this is what dreams are made of, right?

Below the surface, I was unfulfilled, disconnected, and uninspired. The life I was building was a heavy anchor pulling me down. I was taking on too much and never asking for help. I rushed to squeeze in commitments, showing up late and never fully present. I had dreams about singing and producing songs and nightmares about sleeping through alarms.

I prioritized my career and my workouts before myself and all of my relationships suffered. I was resentful. I felt guilty for loathing my life when many people lived with much less. In a twisted effort to cope, I turned to suicide to escape the sinking feeling that I was terribly stuck. The pull of the undertow just grew stronger.

But I kept pushing. Maybe catnapping from day 'til 3 in the afternoon really wasn't as cool as it sounded to me? Maybe it wasn't really a stress fracture, and I could still race the half marathon? I believed that voicing how miserable I was would only expose how hard it would be to change anything. I said nothing and sank further.

My story is not unique. But what do we do when we feel a haunting disconnection from ourselves? When the pressure to maintain the life we have created is crushing? Or we are so overwhelmed by each day's schedule that time is defeating us at every turn?

If your path seems dim, it's time to start listening to that tiny voice telling you there might be another way.

I won't tell you this will be easy. It takes effort to discover our life's passions and to live with intention. It is up to us to recharge and redirect our course into meaningful waters. I had to sink to the bottom in order to push back up with a renewed determination to rescue myself. But while it's not easy, it will be worth it. Being pushed to our limit can result in epic change if we choose to accept the mission.

If you feel like you are destined for something that makes you feel alive or if your soul is being buried under the weight of your current lifestyle, Keep going.

New bonds will be created as you release some anchors and your world will expand with more light. Fresh perspectives, healthier ways to process stress, and new support systems will help give you the strength and clarity to make choices that are best for you.

When we truly participate in our lives, we are granted the ability to define ourselves, our needs, and our goals. We cannot succeed by trying to escape our life. We must process through our obstacles in order to resolve unhelpful patterns and create productive ones. Therefore, spending time experimenting and creating your routine and habits is essential to your momentum.