Yoongi POV
Walking out of BigHit, I keep my gaze casted down and my cap tucked tightly down on my head. I don't want to see anyone and I don't want anyone to recognize me on my way back home. It's past midnight now, but I still don't feel the slightest bit tired, my mind running far too rampant for that.
The entire time I've been here since Jungkook left, he's all I've been able to think about. Our conversation. Just how upset and frustrated he was. I don't know that I'll ever be able to get the look he had out of my mind, the way he sounded so choked up by the end of the conversation still ringing in my ears. Though, none of it compares to the aching in my chest right now, not coming anywhere close to just how heavy my heart currently feels.
I've really done it this time. I've-I've really lost him. I've really pushed him too far, too much. Caused him too much pain and suffering. And not only that, but I've most likely also lost Jimin. I... I'm really all alone now. I've really fucked up this time. I've really done it this time.
Feeling a lone tear spill down my cheek, I shake my head to myself as I pull my mask up higher to cover more of my face. The last thing I need is for anyone to notice me while I'm in this type of state.
I don't even know what the hell to do now. If, if I wasn't feeling empty before, I'm certainly feeling it now. And it's the worst feeling ever. I'm so fucking lost and unsure of everything. I just feel like leaving this world, that everyone would be better off without me. I mean, all I've done is cause others pain, frustrate them and get in their way. No one needs that type of person in their life. I just, I don't know if I'm ready to give up yet or not. Because, yeah, this is fucking agony now with everything, but... But what if it's just absolute hell after? What if it's that much worse when I'm gone? At least being here, I've got the certainty of getting to see Jungkook every day. Only... I'm causing him pain and frustration every single day. The longer I stay, the worse I've been making it for him...
"Look man, if you can't pay up, then you're not getting your shit." I hear someone say nonchalantly before a cry of agony can be heard. I frown curiously, stopping just outside the alleyway to look down it and see what's going on. There's a man on the ground now, holding his head in pain while a guy with a bag on his shoulder is stood there calmly as if nothing happened.
"Fuck man, please! I'm desperate! I'll get you the money next week! Please!" The guy on the ground whines, reaching out with one hand before getting it smacked away.
"This is the second time you've not paid up on time." The one standing counters.
Biting my lip, I don't bother to hold back my curiosity as I quietly make my way down the alley, quickly gaining the attention of the other two men.
"Get your nose out of my business, man. The only reason you should be coming down this way right now is if you're lookin' for something to buy." The man I'm assuming to be the dealer speaks up. I pause for a moment, not too far from them now.
"What're you selling?" I ask quietly, sticking my hands in my pockets. I truthfully have no idea what the hell I'm doing or what I'm getting myself into, knowing this probably isn't any good for myself but struggling to find it in me to care. Just wanting something that will help me and make me feel better again for at least a short bit. The man chuckles at my question, crossing his arms over his chest as he turns his full attention to me.
"Sounds like ya are looking for something, huh? Come on over here. Let's leave this scum and get ya what you need, son." The man says with a small smirk, walking over to me and putting an arm around my shoulders as he leads me further down the alleyway and around a corner.
"What's goin' on? What're ya lookin' for?" He asks with a smile, leaning himself back against the brick building behind him. I bite my lip nervously, lowering my gaze unsurely.
"I dunno. Something to help ease the pain, I guess." I mumble quietly, still not really knowing what I'm doing.
"Alright. How about this? I'll tell ya what I've got and what it can do for ya, and then we can decide together what's best. Hmm?" He suggests with a smile. Biting my lip again as I look up at the man, I nod my head silently.
"Alright. So, at the moment, I've got three different things on me. I've got cocaine, weed, and Valium. The Valium is gonna help numb you right the hell up to take that pain away. Weed can be a little tricky. Sometimes it gives you a bad trip, most times it's a good one. Gets ya high and feelin' light. You just smoke that shit. Now, cocaines the stronger stuff of choice. No bad trip options, it'll get ya feelin' a little tingly but it'll get ya happier and lighter feelin' too. It'll wake your ass up as well. Now, does any of that sound good for ya?" He explains lightly. I bite back a small smile at the sound of the effects, nodding my head.
"The Valium and cocaine sounds nice." I murmur quietly, thankful for my mask still hiding my identity and my smile.
"Alright. If you can pay up, I got plenty of both for ya. Valium is just pills, and the cocaine, most people snort it. Line that shit up and use a tiny roll of paper to sniff that shit right in."
Feeling just the tiniest bit of excitement for the first time in a long time, I quickly pull my wallet out. Maybe, just maybe this will help me be better for the others.
YOU ARE READING
3AM: Life or Death?
Fanfiction"But what it all comes down to, is 3am. 3am will tell you just how very much your heart is hurting. 3am can determine life or death." One hyung who has been in pain for far too long. Reading the hate. Pushing himself to be better. Pushing himself n...
