3AM: Life or Death?

Chapter 19

Jungkook POV

Groaning softly as I slowly begin to wake up, I huff quietly as I roll onto my back. Though, recognizing that I'm on the edge of whatever I'm laying on, I frown lightly as I reluctantly open my eyes to peak around. Shaking my head to myself, I find myself on the couch where I last recall being. However, glancing out the window across the room from me, I can tell easily that it's late as it's dark out.

Recalling everything that's happened, I pout lightly as I push myself to sit up. In an instant, I'm regretting my movements from the headache that starts up. Recalling that Jimin hyung had thought that I'm just dehydrated right now, I reluctantly reach out for the water bottle that's sat on the coffee table in front of me. Sighing softly to myself, I uncap the bottle, shakily bringing it to my lips and start taking small sips from it. It takes me a couple of minutes, but I soon manage to finish off the bottle I'd half finished earlier with Jimin hyung's help.

Setting it back down on the table in front of me, I frown lightly as I lean back against the couch once more. Letting my eyes flutter shut once more as the headache eases just the littlest bit, I still feel fairly tired despite how much I've actually managed to sleep. Though, just like when I'd been in the hospital, the sight of Yoongi hyung returns, haunting me more now than ever.

Jolting upright with wide eyes, I try to force back tears as I shake my head. Wishing it weren't true. Wishing it weren't real. Wishing it were just some hellish nightmare.

"Namjoon hyung said he was awake." I mumble quietly to myself, events from earlier returning to me.

Biting my lip softly, I push myself up off the couch. Stumbling a bit with my balance for a moment, I soon start towards the stairs without the blankets. I'm freezing without them, but I don't worry about it, knowing that's over half the reason I'm going to my room in the first place. It takes more energy than what I'd like to admit to get up the stairs, brushing the thought off as I go over to my room door and gently push it open. Looking around, I make my way over to my dresser first.

Being as silent as possible, I slip into a pair of jeans and pocket my phone that had been sat atop the dresser. I then move over to my closet, pulling out my warmest hoodie and dragging it over my head, not bothering with a shirt of any sort under it.

Feeling only a little chilly now, it's much more survivable than before as I exit my bedroom. I don't bother trying to shut the door, fearing it'll be too loud if I do. So, I head back down the hall and down the stairs, making my way over to the door and sliding my shoes on.

Placing my hand on the door, I sigh softly as I glance back towards hyung's studio, memories of that night flooding my thoughts.

Biting my lip as I feel tempted, I hesitantly walk away from the front door and make my way to his studio. Shyly, I enter his room, leaving the door just cracked behind me as I nearly close it. Walking over to his chair, I gingerly sit down, spinning in it just a little as I look around his studio, still wishing I had been sooner. Wishing I'd caught the signs faster. Wishing I hadn't let him push me away like he did.

Spinning in his chair, I turn myself towards his desk where he does all of his actual work, surprised when I find two unfolded pieces of paper. One has noticeably more writing than the other, and I'm far too tempted as I glance at the top of both pages. Surprised to find one addressed to the other five, the one with more writing actually being addressed to myself.

Nervously, I pick the one for me up, letting my eyes scan the page of his cute scribbles.

Jungkookie,

I, I really don't know what to say, Kookie. There's so much that I've wanted to tell you for so long. I never had the courage though. You've always said that I'm good with expressing myself, especially when it comes to writing songs. This was the only way I could think to explain everything. I just, I'm sorry it had to turn out this way. I know you probably won't be too devastated, none of you probably are, but there's so much that I wanted to tell you for so long.

Please don't be mad at me, Jungkook. I never wanted to push you away, and I'm sorry that I did. It's just that, you deserve so much better than me. You deserve to spend your time and attention on those who deserve you. Who are worthy of you, and I'm not one of those people. I, I've had feelings for you for a while now too. I'm sorry if you thought something was ever going on between Jimin and me, but there never was. I never replaced you. I never wanted to leave you. He was only around because he was trying to save me from myself after I stopped letting you be around me. I'm just not good enough for you, and I've always known that. And, between knowing I'd never have a chance with you, that I didn't deserve to have a chance with you, and the fact that I was simply holding the band back, I just knew that I needed to go. That I needed to get out of everyone's way and stop being a nuisance.

I... I'm sorry for leaving you, Kookie. I love you though, even if you don't ever feel the same as I'm sure you probably don't. I'm sorry for having been so cold these last few months. For hurting you. I hope you'll be able to find it in you to forgive me one day.

Love you always,
Your Yoongi hyung