3AM: Life or Death?

Chapter 7

Yoongi POV

"Hyung, I need to talk to you." I jump slightly at the voice, having thought everyone already left for lunch by now. If I'm being honest, I've been fairly jumpy today. Though, I'm not entirely sure if that's due to the drugs I started yesterday or the lack of sleep that I've been running on for a while now. Although, there's also always the possibility that I'd begun to think the others were forgetting me, my birthday being tomorrow and none of them giving away the possibility that they might've done anything for it like they've done every single year thus far.

Regardless the reason for my jumpiness, I turn around with a small sigh, finding Jungkook stood in the room with me still. I purse my lips, desperately not wanting to have a conversation with him. It's been hard enough to keep my distance the last couple months when in reality all I want is to curl up with him and cuddle and kiss him, his constant pushing lately making that want even stronger and paining me even more knowing that'll never happen.

"What's up, Jungkook?" I ask quietly, still a little hesitant with all of this. He frowns at me, sighing as he runs a hand through his hair.

"Yoongi, are you feeling okay?" He asks softly, a worried look in his eyes. I give him a fake tiny smile, nodding my head.

"Of course. Why?" I lie smoothly, wishing he would stop pushing this conversation. His frown only deepens though, shaking his head.

"Hyung, I don't believe that. Please, stop making me the enemy here and stop pushing me away. I want to help you, but I can't when you keep doing this." Jungkook groans weakly in frustration. I purse my lips, shaking my head this time.

"Jungkook, there's nothing for you to help with. I'm perfectly fine. You really don't need to worry about me." I respond, wishing desperately for him to just drop it already. However, it's Jungkook and there's not a chance of that happening.

"Damn it, Yoongi! I don't believe that shit!" Jungkook shouts, his voice cracking as he glares at me.

"I don't believe that and I want to help, Yoongi. I can't fucking do that when you keep pushing me away. I know something's wrong, hyung. I know there is. You went from being cold one day to being all smiling and giggly and happy the next. I'm scared and I'm worried, hyung. I know something's wrong and I want to help. Please." Jungkook huffs with tears in his eyes, sounding exhausted. I just feign innocent, giving him a smile and shaking my head again, feeling myself grow shaky.

"I really am fine, Jungkookie. I was just going through a small rough patch, okay? It's no big deal and nothing to have a fit over. Everything's fine." I chuckle softly with a smile, trying to ignore the slight shaking of my hands that's begun as I stuff them in my pockets. He heaves a heavy sigh, shaking his head at me.

"I don't believe you, hyung. But, there's really nothing I can do when you're being so stubborn like this. I miss the old you. The one who was giggly and smily fairly consistently. The one that enjoyed messing around and sleeping every chance he got. I'm not the one who can bring him back though, hyung. That's on you." Jungkook says defeatedly before walking out of the room and shutting the door behind him.

Collapsing to the floor, I quickly curl into a ball as I try hard not to cry. I'm completely shaking at this point, tears slowly slipping down my cheeks.

I'm so fucking scared that they're all giving up on me. As much as I want to let him in, I just can't. It's bad enough that I don't really have any chance with him now, he'd probably go running for the hills if he knew just how much of a monster I really am. How low I've really fallen. How disgusting I truly am. But it's not just Jungkookie. It's all of them. They've been speaking to me less and less, even if it's partly due to me pushing them away, I feel like they're just letting it happen. Like they don't even really care.

Trying to take deep breaths to calm myself back down, I rest my chin on the tops of my knees. Biting my lip gently, I let my gaze rest on the floor, wondering how much more of this I can take. How much longer I can really stand to just live here aimlessly in pain, drowning without water, how much longer I can hold on before giving into the dark thoughts swirling around in my head like a tornado.