Save Me

Chapter 34

All I really needed to do before bed, now that I didn't need to worry about pajamas anymore, was to smooth on some body lotion.     Squeezing some in my hands, I rubbed it into my skin and at least that made me feel a little better.    I'm not sure why but it always does.    I wasn't wanting to keep Jared waiting but I can't deny there was a part of me that hoped he'd be sleeping by the time I was ready to jump in bed. 

Dealing with this level of body insecurities is actually new to me.   It doesn't sound like it right now but it's true.    I think every woman out there deals with them to some degree and I'm no different.     I'm not ugly and I'm not an unfit person but being confident in my own skin was proving to be quite the battle.    It's frustrating that I have spent my whole life eating relatively well,  practicing yoga almost daily and running to change things up but still see flaws no matter how hard I try not too.

In the most ridiculous way, and I would NEVER tell him this but the only person I can blame is Jared, despite the fact that he's done nothing but try to boost my confidence up.   You can't deny that he is a stunningly gorgeous man and it's hard not to look at his physical perfection and think, why me?   Knowing his taste in women doesn't help either.  

A model, I am not....  

The other reason and probably the most likely one, is the fact that for the first time in my life, I feel like he sees the real me.   The 'me' I didn't even really understand until I met him.   I feel like I can't hide anything, he just sees everything and that has left me feeling like all of this is some sort of out of body experience.  

I couldn't delay any longer.   After I was finished putting my lotion on, I ducked my head into the bedroom to see what Jared was up to.    He was in bed and on his phone and of course had both side lamps on so the room was lit up like it was noon on a sunny day.    

Fabulous.

Taking a breath, I flipped the bathroom light switch off and stepped into the bedroom with as much confidence as I could fake. 

"I thought you weren't going to keep me waiting long?"   he smirked, not even looking up from his phone.

Trying to move fast and in a stealthy sort of way, I thought I might make it under the blankets before he looked up.    Turns out, it wasn't fast enough and as I got to my side of the bed, he turned towards me, a beautiful smile on his face.   He got what he wanted, me naked in bed. 

"I didn't take that long."   I anxiously laughed, my arms reaching quickly to pull the blankets back and slipped under them.

Noticing my discomfort, Jared called me out. 

"Baby, I told you, you have an amazing body.    Why do you want to cover it up?"    he asked, rolling his body towards mine.  

He was completely serious.   I think it really bothered him that I had this insecurity and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.   I was both admiring his concern and irritated at the same time.    I knew where this was going.     I couldn't help rolling my eyes, I know not only has he seen better but he's been with better too.  

"Amazing is a stretch, don'tcha think?"

"No, I don't find that a stretch at all." 

Seriously, this man dates stick think models without an ounce of body fat, not a single wrinkle or cellulite and I'm supposed to believe he sees my body as amazing.    I didn't believe him and he knew it. 

"You may see flaws but I don't and quite frankly, I think I'm an authority since there isn't a single inch of your skin I haven't seen."   Jared insisted, trailing his fingertip down my arm before grasping it in his hand.