undercover - s.w

18

juliette davis

my heart was hardly beating, my mind racing faster than my heart at this point. his face displayed all different stages of anger, though his eyes did have some sympathy and need shining in them. i knew he would somewhat be mad, but he would end up realizing it was bound to happen.

"i-um" i begin, my tongue feeling tied as i don't know how to say it, "i want to go home" i say, my voice inaudible from how low i spoke.

at first i thought he didn't hear me, he was so silent and still that i thought he was going to scream at me to say it again. but he didn't. he was quiet and calm.

"you, what?" he softly asks, his fist unravelling as his hand is freely hanging beside his body. he seemed hurt, like i had done something unthinkable.

"i want to go home, sam" i repeat, my voice louder as all of the feelings that i previously had been feeling and dwelling on began to show.

he sighs, running his hand through his hair, "i knew you were going to say this at some point. i fucking knew it. why? why do you want to leave and go out into the world of hell where they're going to capture and hurt you?!"

his voice shocked me, but i stood up and walked into his bedroom to close his door, "because im in a house, sam, a house where i don't know any of you and im treated like im a seven year old girl who can't take care of herself. i am eighteen and deserve to be going on with my life in a manner that will help me for my future. they're not going to hurt me because im not going to let them, sam! i get it, you're trying to protect me, but they could come in here and shoot you guys, all of you, and they could still get to me and it wouldn't be any different than if i wasn't here and was actually living my life!"

his face fell, anger washing off his face as i now couldn't tell what he was feeling, "sam i don't mean that you guys don't take care of me, because you do. you do nothing to hurt me or make me feel like im living in hell. but fuck sam, im in a house and can't do anything because im basically being watched and protected all the time. this isn't what i expected my life to be."

"you don't trust me, do you? you don't believe me when i say that you do mean a lot to me, do you? you just think that im some guy who brought you here to protect you and make sure that you don't live your life to the fullest because of the scumbag, dumbasses who worked for your dad. fuck juliette, i fell harder than ever for you because of your strength and how much you didn't want us to protect you. we don't protect you the way you think we babysit you, we live here and we're around and if somebody came through that door, they'd be dead so you're not. if you want to leave and go home, fine" he says, his voice not angry but definitely hurting.

"i don't know, i don't know sam! i want to believe you, but how am i supposed to believe you when you took me away from everything i knew and everyone i loved?" i broke down, saying those words aloud caused tears to stream down my face and i lost any ability to speak normally.

sam didn't dare to continue this argument, as he walked over and embraced me with force. not hurtfully, but he definitely made it so i felt secure.

"im sorry" i mumble, "i just, im ready to get on with my life. that doesn't mean leaving you, that doesn't mean ending whatever we have. it just means, im ready to see my family and friends again. im ready to move on with my life and be successful."

he sighed heavily, letting me go and looking down at me, "you're saying you'd actually want to be with me if you left?"

i nod, "that's exactly what im saying."

sam looked at me, like really looked at me, "what happens if you're in danger? if someone is following you? what if someone takes you or shows up at your house?"

"sam, i'll be okay" i calmly state.

he looks at me questionably, "would you.. would you come here if you needed help? would you call me?"

of course i would. i don't know why he would question if i would or wouldn't. even though he makes me feel ultimate happiness, as much as i could feel being stuck in a house, he makes me feel secure and protected. there's no way i couldn't just deal with something without at least talking to him. so of course i would.

"yes, of course i would" i tell him with a smile.

"when do you plan on wanting to leave?" he asks me curiously.

i shrug, "tomorrow? maybe?"

sam looks at me sadly, "would you want to call someone? maybe see where you'll go back?"

that does sound like a good idea, "maybe, yeah."