Newly Not Cis

Crying is Bullshit

Author stuff: Thanks to Trismegistus Shandy and underFlorence for helping me edit this part!

Links to their works will be in the comment section. I recommend underFlorences story: A Familiar Tale of Cat and Mouse. It's a great little trans magic story.

It had been years since he had last cried. Crying was something guys just didn't do, couldn't do. He had lost his best friend without a single tear. He had watched Titanic, and no tears came. Family members had passed away and he still couldn't cry. He hadn't felt like he needed to. Yet here he was, trying to avoid eye contact with his ex-best friend as he tried to choke back his sobbing.

He couldn't even place what had triggered it; sure, the confirmation that this had really happened was a wake-up call, and he had just referred to himself as a girl for the first time and it felt like everything in the first sixteen years of his life had been a lie. He thought he should be able to handle that. He was a man regardless of what had happened to his body, regardless of how scared he was of losing himself.

"I hoped you, you might know something, anything, because of your whole trans gendered thing?"

Kieran seemed to look at him with pity. He guessed in this situation that might be the best he could ask for. If Kieran had a chance of understanding this situation, then the hits to his pride wouldn't matter.

"Kieran, I can't go to anyone else about this. Ben and Lachlan wouldn't understand and I don't even know how Nick would react."

He could practically hear Ben mocking him. James imagined Ben talking about him like he talked about the girls in their class, or worse, how he talked about Kieran. James wasn't sure if he could stomach getting laughed at, or worse, getting flirted with. He didn't know what he had done to deserve this.

"I-I don't know what could have happened."

Kieran grabbed his hand and tried to calm him.

"I'm not sure what I can do. This is just unbelievable. Have you eaten anything?"

He hadn't thought about eating since he had noticed his body. Adrenaline had taken hold; it was hard to have an appetite while panicking. The suggestion of food brought the massive hunger he had been feeling to his attention. Kieran had calmed him down enough that he felt like he could eat.

"I haven't had the chance, I found this out, and then I tried to sort it out my own but I couldn't and then I called you. I'm so hungry."

"Okay, I'll go get you something. Any requests?" It was a weird thought, but if Kieran had this happen to him, he would make an amazing mum.

"Can you bring me the entire kitchen?" he groaned.

James turned on the TV to help him calm down. His tears began to subside, and he began to try and process what was going on again. His emotions weren't something other people should have to deal with. They were not something he would usually let others deal with, and yet Kieran listened to him, allowed him to cry and process this without mockery. It confused him. They hadn't properly talked in months. He didn't understand why Kieran would do this for him. Whatever the reason, he was grateful. He still couldn't understand why he had suddenly started crying. Why did it only start when he was with Kieran? He had definitely felt worse earlier when he had first noticed these changes, so why had he only cried in front of Kieran?

Sitting there with his ex-best friend in the other room, while Saturday morning cartoons played in the background, took him back to when they were kids. Kieran always had insisted on making them both breakfasts, since James almost set fire to the house whilst he tried to make toast. He was tempted to drag Kieran back into the room and turn on one of the classic movies they had loved watching when they were younger.