Newly Not Cis

Missing Some Next To You.

Hi, long time no see. I went through a couple of weeks where I was really struggling to write. Both on here and on Scribble. The good news is, I'm done editing the last couple of chapters for Scribble so I can focus on just writing new content. Yay! Also, another Nick chapter. I hope you enjoy. 
As always, thanks to Trismegistus Shandy for editing. There were a lot of issues in this chapter relating to pronouns and my ongoing struggle with commas and semicolons. Links to their works will be in the description.

When James and Nick had first met, Nick had had no idea what was going to happen. A guy came up to him while he was minding his own business in the library at recess and asked if they could play a game together. At the time, Nick had been trying to just survive the days, while avoiding the frustration that came with never being able to hold on to a friend group because he had a hard time controlling what came out of his mouth. He was always too loud, or too quiet, saying too much or nothing at all, and most of the time he didn't know the difference until he saw people's reactions or lack of them. Someone approaching him usually meant he was going to befriend them, fuck up and then he'd be alone again. Alone in the library playing games on an outdated computer.

His initial interactions with James were mostly through trying to set up a multiplayer game they both had and that could run while they were at school. After that, it was all about trying to learn about what James was like from playing games with him. Fortunately, there was a lot to go off of; James wasn't the type to keep his mouth shut while playing. There were little jabs at Nick about how he wasn't the best at PvP matches as well as tips to get better. By the time recess had ended, he was sure that James must have been bored out of his mind, playing against someone who sucked so bad.

"Wanna play together at lunch?" James had asked.

"Sure."

As lunch came around, he wondered why a guy like James had been alone in the library in the first place. He didn't seem like a bad dude; he was witty and helpful and Nick couldn't imagine people not having a good time around him.

Nick remembered the days that followed well. Each day he'd wait at the library for James to come and they'd play a couple of matches until the break ended. He remembered when James sat next to him in English for the first time and how James would ask questions about the work that he was struggling with. The way Nick had slowly started to talk more openly with James after that and how James seemed to actually enjoy listening. Nick's feelings for James had probably started around then. Not that he'd realised that's what was happening. How could he have realised he liked a guy when he was trying to put all of those thoughts in The Box?

The last week had busted the 'Feelings That Nick Can't Deal With Box' wide open. It was hard to keep ignoring the feelings he had for James when he finally started responding again. Even before that, actually. The way he smiled when Nick tried to fill the silence under the tree made Nick's heart do backflips in his chest. It was hearing his voice again that made him unable to deny it any longer. He liked James, in a more than platonic way. That idiot didn't even seem to notice how much it was messing with his feelings. He'd really tried to avoid the fact that he liked dudes and here this guy was making his heart pound. Their talks under the tree reminded him of the first couple of days they'd spent together, before Ben and Lachie came along and before James dived headfirst into becoming an edge lord.

When Nick found James crying under the tree, his first thought was to hug him. So he did, and it seemed to help him calm down quickly, even if it made Nick's heart start pounding. Nick had hoped that him calming down quickly was a good thing.

"Go back to class. I'll be back soon," he'd said.

Maybe Nick should have waited with him. Maybe then he wouldn't be feeling so awful. The rest of the day felt off. James told him he was going to the library at recess and that was it. Nick followed, assuming things might be going back to how they were a week ago, except maybe they'd be closer. Maybe they'd talk and play more after school like they used to. He even talked to the others, played with them as well.