Newly Not Cis

Unwanted confirmation

James wanted to light his body on fire, he'd been touched from head to toe by doctors all because of this thing; this new female body. He hated knowing they knew what happened to him, he hated that they had seen this body, touched this body. Every touch, every look made him feel like a freak, something that needed to be studied and analysed it was a reminder that he wasn't himself anymore, that he was a girl. He wanted to cut out every female part of himself, starting with his chest. He wanted his body back. He needed it back.

Panic began to overwhelm him and his thoughts began racing; if he was a girl then how was he meant to live? He likes girls; did that make him gay? Would he always feel like this? Like an alien in his own body?
These questions were interrupted, as the doctor re-entered the room.

"James before you go, what has happened to you will stay between the doctors you have seen today, you, and Katie. I promise not to tell anyone else." 

James breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you"

"But you need to tell your mum about this, as soon as possible. She should be able to help you with some" she cleared her throat "stuff. Eventually, she will help you become a beautiful young woman"

He refused to let himself imagine that; his mother was going to be horrified. The way she reacted to K coming out was terrible, if James was a girl, he couldn't imagine how she'd react. Putting that aside, even if she did help him become a young woman the thought of being a girl made him want to be sick, he would rather die than let her find out.
The doctor looked to Katie

"Katie, James is going to need a lot of support. You were such a good girlfriend today, keep that up and you'll make this so much easier on her."

James' heart sank as he realised the "her" the doctor referred to was him. He didn't ask for this, he wasn't ready for this. Someone actually thought of him as a girl. He hated it so much. On top of that, Katie wasn't his girlfriend! Just because she held his hand through this whole process didn't mean they were dating. James face began to turn red and turned full-blown crimson when he saw that K was blushing as well.

"I'll take care of him, miss," she said.

K still at least saw him as a man. He remembered the way they called him handsome last night. God, he wanted to slap the doctor for suggesting the idea.

"You are a good friend then Katie. James if you need anything surrounding this come back and I will try my best to help you through whatever you need. Be that paperwork or changes"

K's mum took them back to his place, he felt like he was being scrutinized again. Like K's mum was looking at him trying to see what he was thinking. Never leaving his house again had never been so tempting. Checking his phone hadn't been a priority over the last day but a distraction from this feeling was welcomed, he saw he had a couple of messages from the group chat, mostly @everyone notifications, and a message from Nick.

Nick: hey are you all g

He wasn't up to responding.

"So how are you feeling?" 

He supposed it was an obvious question they would ask; he had just spent the last 3 hours being felt up in private areas that weren't even his. She had been there the whole time, with her hand being squeezed, she should know.

"I'm fine K," He lied "We should probably start getting me looking like a guy again right?"
They looked away.

"Yeah..." They seemed different. "We should probably get your hair cut right? Do you any money?" 

"I've got like 100 bucks I've been saving" He replied.

"Okay, are you okay if we go out in public? Are you sure you don't need more time?" K was concerned about him, it was touching. The nightmare from last night seemed far away.

"I need to get it over with." 

Walking to the hairdresser took longer than expected, every step he took he felt like he was being looked at, scrutinized by anyone that walked past. He prayed that he wouldn't be recognised by anyone while looking like this. As they arrived James pulled the hair out his hoodie.
For the second time today they approached a receptionist.

"Hi, how can I help you?"

K spoke before he could say anything

"Hi my friend wants to get his hair cut"

It was weird seeing them be so assertive. They had changed from when they were younger. It was annoying that they felt the need to speak for him.

He was sat down in the chair, it was a relief to know that all this hair would soon be gone, that he wouldn't have to feel his hair scratching him underneath his hood.

"How much do want cut hun?"

James wasn't one for selfies but he was glad he had a recent picture of himself from recently.

"Can you give me something similar to this?" He realised why K had decided to speak for him earlier, his voice was pretty he felt like screaming until they were raw. 

"Are you sure you want to cut that much off? People would kill for your hair."

"Yes, I'm sure, please cut it." He tried to lower his voice and speak more strongly. His tone hadn't changed it couldn't be too hard to sound like himself again

"So a pixie cut? That might look cute on you."

The feminine way she referred to him, what was so hard about just giving him the haircut he wanted. He just wanted to look like a guy without having to endure being treated like a girl.

"Just what's in the photo," Even when trying to sound like a guy he failed.

It was relieving to recognise himself in the mirror for the first time since Friday. No pixie cut, no feminine changes to his hair cut, just the same hair he always had. It made him smile knowing that maybe his hair wouldn't be a problem going forth. He looked at K expecting a smile, hoping that she would look happy that he seemed back to normal. Instead, they looked like they were about to cry. He hated that he recognised that look.