Newly Not Cis

Nothing is okay.

Hello! This update is very late! My ADHD meds have been messing me up and that means 90% of my time recently has been spent sleeping because fuck being a functional human being, am I right? Anyway, this chapter is a mix of the end of the last chapter and another chapter that. All in all that totalled up to around a thousand words. This is closer to 3000. 

As always thanks to Trismegistus Shandy, without their editing I wouldn't be posting this now.

The morning started awfully. He woke up, his mum called him sweetie and made him breakfast and then drove him to school. It was starting to become obvious that she'd never wanted a son. She didn't waste time trying to convince him to start dressing like a girl. Pretending to be a girl was his future. He'd accepted that.

"You need a new name, James," she said. He knew he would need one for next week, but he didn't want to give his mother the satisfaction of giving in. It was only delaying the issue. He knew that. There just wasn't anything he could do.

"I know I do, Mum."

"How about Jane? I need something to call you," she asked. His mind went back to the first time he was called that. That first phone call to the doctor. It didn't feel like his name.

"Please, not Jane."

"Okay, then I'm calling you Jamie." That sounded a little better. It was close. Even kind of gender-neutral. It was probably the best he was going to get out of her. That did leave one question, though: Why did all her suggestions start with J?

"If you have to," he said, trying to make it obvious that he wouldn't be happy about it.

"We can try more names later, Jamie; until then we'll try that." He didn't want to think about other names, there were so many worse options. At least this way he could still use it as a guy. Still, it felt terrible knowing he'd have to give up the name he'd had since birth.

"Okay."

At least when he got to school he would have English with Nick. He had given up on trying to be quiet. Nick wouldn't judge his voice; he'd made that clear on Sunday. James still wasn't sure about why he had hugged him. Maybe Nick was just a huggy guy? Ben would be in their homeroom, so that would be the first threat. He'd have to be careful when talking to Ben; if he brought up James' voice it would be hard to avoid confrontation.

"Have a good day at school, sweetie!" she said as he got out of the car. Tomorrow he'd be taking the bus. It was better to avoid her treating him like that as much as possible.

Arriving by car meant he was earlier than usual. He walked to his homeroom. It had been cold the last couple of days; it would be nice to be inside the classroom and warm. He was surprised to see Katie standing outside the door to the room as well. She was always there when he arrived by bus. He didn't know why it was surprising. One of her mums had probably dropped her off on their way to work. There was no sign of Ben around, and if things went sour with Ben and Lachie, it would be nice to at least be able to talk to her. Maybe this was an opportunity to talk with her. Since their last phone call, he hadn't had the chance to talk. He wasn't too far from her. He just had to walk up to her and say hi, which was easier said than done. Somehow she looked even more feminine than she had on that weekend; she was beautiful and soft and her eyes were so beautiful. Even her hair looked longer. He was definitely still into girls. He had to look away to stop himself from blushing.

"Hey, Katie," he managed to say. Finally, he felt like he'd bridged a divide. She looked stunned but he almost didn't care. He'd managed to talk to her. Even if he couldn't look her in the eye.

"Uh hi, James? Are you okay?" She sounded concerned. Maybe she didn't want to talk to him. That would be understandable. Maybe she still thought he wanted to hurt her. She was smiling, though? Maybe she was just confused.