Newly Not Cis

Under Melody's Tree

(Thanks to Erra Ral for helping me edit this part, links to her work in the comments)

The school days felt longer and longer, and he understood less and less. Being unable to ask questions or talk to the teachers was setting him behind; he knew that. James knew he needed to start talking again, but it was terrifying. Even if no one found out, just hearing himself was enough to make him feel sick. Katie was right though; he needed to talk to Nick.

Nick sat beside him in English. Before all of this, they would talk to pass the time during class; sometimes it was on topic. Sometimes it wasn't. It made the class feel less boring though, and It was easier to concentrate knowing he could ask questions, or get help putting his ideas into words.

Before he knew what to say, Nick turned to him.

"Are we hanging out at Melody's tree again?"

"Melody's tree?"

"James! You said something, I thought you'd just nod."

"Rude, dude" his voice wasn't noticed. Maybe Nick had forgotten what James used to sound like. Either way, it was good to have interactions beyond just looking at each other.

"Melody's tree, it's the one we've been hanging out at, you know with the engraving on it?"

Of course, Nick would have read the plaque.

Under the tree was peaceful. It finally felt safe to talk.

"Thanks, Nick." Thanking him seemed like the only thing he could say to break the silence. He'd been bottling up the sentiment since Nick had begun following him to the tree.

"It's no problem, it's good to hear you talking again mate." No mention of his vocal changes, it made him smile. "I've never heard you go so long without talking. Did you lose your voice?"

"I guess you could say that. Talking just hurt for a bit" he lied, hoping Nick would drop it.

"So why haven't you been responding in group chats? I mean your voice hurting doesn't stop you from messaging us."

"I'm sorry. I've been sleeping a lot lately; I haven't really felt like checking my phone."

"It's okay, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm just glad to talk to someone."

Conversations quickly turned to games. Nick loved talking about the things he was playing, and James was just happy to talk and ask questions. Nick was an amazing storyteller even if he was just talking about his experiences in a game.

"Why don't you play with me tonight?" Nick asked. "There is no school tomorrow so we can play all night"

James couldn't say no to playing with his friend, not after the last week of loneliness.

The day ended uneventfully after that. Arriving home was a race to his room before his mum could get a proper look at him. He jumped on his computer and opened it to a notification.

Nick: Hey are you still up for playing,

James: sure wanna call?

Nick: sure

The dialling sounds played, and he heard Nicks voice on the other end.

Nick walked him through the game modes and characters he could play. James had only played a little and hadn't been able to practise on the weekend, but Nick seemed happy to help him out. It was embarrassing to need the help, but it was nice that Nick didn't mock him for it. It took a couple of games to get a hold of how to play properly but he felt like he was getting better. It helped they were learning together.

After a couple of games, Nick suggested he was ready to play against people.

"Do you want to try playing with some of my friends? Only if you're feeling up to it."

After only talking to Nick and Katie at all in the past week, the idea of talking with random people who he will likely never meet sounded good.

"Not with Ben and Lachie right?" James clarified.

"Nah, they are playing something else in another a chat"

"Sure, why not?"

With Nick giving instructions, he felt more confident playing. Nick was so patient and helped him understand the basics. He encouraged the good but didn't flame him for the bad plays he made. It was a completely different experience than playing with Ben who would flame at the slightest provocation. Nick's online friends seemed cool as well. Though they hadn't been playing long.

"I'm guessing your girlfriend is new Nick? She's pretty good for a new player, you taught her well."

James was tempted to shut down his computer and never log on again and he considered avoiding Nick until the day he died. It was terrifying to be called a girl by a stranger, just because of his voice. It was even worse they thought he was dating Nick. He remembered the nightmare. He remembered Nick's face calling him beautiful. He didn't want to be seen as a girl and he didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend.

"His name is James, and he is a dude. We aren't dating." Nick said plainly.

"Oh sorry James, I thought it was like Jane or something, Nick's mic is muffled." His friend responded

James felt obliged to respond to his apology,

"It's okay" he mumbled, he wanted to keep his mouth shut.

The game ended in a win for their team, despite James refusing to talk or respond. Nick and his friends acted as if nothing had happened. He felt stupid for being so uncomfortable.

"Hey, kiddo dinners ready!" James' mum called. He quickly said bye to Nick and logged off for the night. He walked out to the dining room in the baggiest clothes he could find. This wasn't where he wanted to be; he would rather try to sleep and forget about what had happened. He sat down, ate and he tried to dodge opportunities to speak. He appreciated his mother's talking; it was a good distraction from his train of thought.

He excused himself and went to his room. Despite how sick being mistaken for a girl made him feel, he wanted to play with Nick. When it was just him and Nick he felt normal again. It made him smile, something only Nick and Katie had been able to do since his body had changed. He couldn't bring himself to log on again though. Nick was probably having fun with his friends. James knew they didn't need him moping.

He woke up from a nightmare, almost the same one from when Katie was over, and This time he didn't have Katie with him to help. He checked his phone to alleviate his panic and found a message from Nick.

Nick: wanna play again? I have something I want to try

He reminded himself of last night, while the comments from Nick's friend hurt. Nick still saw him as a dude. He wasn't going to call James beautiful. He wasn't going to try and hit on him. It would be fun to play with him.

James: sure, ill just wake up properly first.

He called Nick and they began discussing the idea he had. It only needed two of them, but it was more complex than anything James was used to. Nick promised to help, and James decided to go for it. He was surprised by how well it went.

"That was so much fun dude!" James said loudly, feedback came through Nick's mic. He had forgotten how his voice sounded.