Newly Not Cis

Fear of Friends

Katie wanted to run as far from him as possible. It was frustrating, after a day or two of trying to forget about what had happened between them all it took to remind her of what he had put her through was a damn haircut.

"I'm sorry I don't know anything about this. Where do we go next, mate?" James asked quietly

She took a second to breathe and think about the last day. James was her friend, in this situation she was one of the only people who might be able to help him. 

"We need to get you something to keep your boobs in place," she said as calmly as she could. 

"Am I seriously going to have to wear a bra?"

"Yes, unless you want people noticing."

"There has to be something else, I'm not wearing a bra." The distress in his voice made her want to find another option for him. Another part of her wanted to tell him to suck it up.

"I'll text Adam but I'm pretty sure this is all we can do right now."

Having an excuse to talk to Adam after the last two days was a godsend. Adam had never hurt her, he'd never try to, she wanted to tell him everything that was going on so she wouldn't have to deal with James on her own.

Katie: hey I met someone, and he needs help hiding his chest anything you recommend

She practically had to drag James to the mall. Katie knew how scary it was for him, being in the girl's underwear aisle when you don't know if you'll look like you belong there is terrifying and something she had experienced more times than she'd like to admit. He probably felt like a pervert like he was somewhere he shouldn't be, or he'll be punished severely. Maybe she was projecting.

James' eyes darted around nervously looking for anyone in the crowd that might recognize him, he was slouched trying to bring as little attention to himself as possible and his hands were in his pockets, maybe he'd notice they had changed too. His chest was barely visible when he slouched, he looked exactly like he normally did. Katie didn't want to fear him, yet she couldn't help but want to run away again. Her phone buzzes.

Adam: How big is your friend. 
 Katie: Small I guess I don't know sizes very well
Adam: The best thing to do is probably get a sports bra that's a little bit tight and unpadded at least until he can get a binder you remember the site right? Also make sure he layers up
Katie: yeah I do, thank you so much adam!!

Not going in blind was a relief, being distracted from the guy in front of her was also a relief. 

"So my friend Adam told me what we are looking for."

"And?"

"I'll show you."

Katie had been in the women's section before but never around the underwear, the bras she was given fit her fine and made it look like she had boobs while hers grew so she never felt it necessary to risk it. Now even knowing she was going there for a friend she still felt like a predator, an invader. The look on James' face seemed to show he felt the same way. He looked lost, his eyes were scanning everything as if trying to understand an entirely new world. She wished she had the answer to his questions.

The bra section was overwhelming, there were so many options, so many things that a girl like her couldn't wear. James was so lucky, and he couldn't even appreciate what he had been given, so many nice clothes he could wear or things he can do that she won't ever get to. She knew her jealousy was stupid, she had never envied Adam or any trans guy she had met? Why was she jealous of James? Maybe it was that she didn't even know if he was like a trans guy? Maybe he just hadn't gotten used to being a girl and that's why he was acting the way he was. The fact that he got exactly what she had wished for was depressing, why did this happen to him and not her?
So many options and he was looking for whatever would hide what he'd been given.

Katie looked to the sports bras trying to put those thoughts out of her head, upon spotting them she grabbed James by the hand and dragged him over there, she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible and his fear was holding them back from getting out there. She looked at James.

"I'd say we are looking for something with compression." she thought out loud.

"I don't know, the only time I should ever be in a place like this is to find something for a cute girl to wear." it was obvious he was trying to laugh away his discomfort with his current situation.

"Well right now you are a cute girl aren't you?" as soon as it came out of her mouth she knew she had made a mistake

James was silent.

She was even more determined to get out of there now. Looking through the isle was intimidating there was just so much, she knew so little about boobs and bras, she doubted that James would know his own bra size. She had to think, they got to the sports section and she picked up the closest one that looked like it might fit and that didn't have padding.