Titanic 2: Electric Boogaloo

Chapter 8

When Jack came to, he was in a warehouse that looked kind of beat up. There were broken shingles everywhere, there was a smashed window, and it smelled musty. Oh, and Jack was tied to a chair. Jay and Silent Bob were also tied to chairs and were tied together back to back. There was a guard in the room. "Shit!" cried Jay, "We're gonna die! I don't wanna die! I'm too beautiful to die!" He burst into tears. "Calm down," said Jack. "We're gonna be fine." Jack actually had no idea, he was just trying calm Jay down.

"Wait I got an idea!" said Jay. "Hey!" he called to the guard, who looked over. "This guy will suck your cock if you let us go!" Jay gestured to Silent Bob, who was giving Jay a stare so icy it could have sunk Titanic by itself. Those two continued to confuse Jack more and more by the second The guard started trotting over to them.

"Dude it's working!" said Jay, "Get ready to slob on the knob!" The guard stopped in front of Jay. "Uh...," said Jay, "I said he would, not m—" The guard socked Jay in the stomach hard. "AAAH!" exclaimed Jay. "WHAT THE FUCK!" "Oshaberi shi sugiru." said the guard as he knocked Jay in the jaw.

"OW! Is that all you got?"

Jay recieved a punch to the nose. A trickle of blood ran down his left nostril.

"Man fuck you!"

The guard punched him in the jaw again, blood now dripping down the right side of Jay's mouth.

Jay stopped talking and the guard walked away. Jay spat out a tooth. Silent Bob grimaced. "I didn't really think that was gonna work," said Jay. "But the thought of making Silent Bob blow that guy was pretty fuckin' hilarious." "You just got the shit beaten out of you," said Jack, "And you're still cracking jokes?" "I've taken way worse beatings man," said Jay, "Once, me and Silent Bob tried to sneak into this super hot strip club, but the guy at the front beat the shit out of us and threw us out. Literally." Jack wasn't sure what a strip club was, but if these two wanted in, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Suddenly, music started playing. It was kind of faint, but echoed.

You was at the club
Bottoms up when I first met you
Couldn't get enough
Had to get you straight to my bedroom.

"Shit that's my phone!" said Jay. The guard had everyone's phones. The guard hit answer and held it up to Jay's ear so that Jay could answer it as if everything was fine. "Yo this is Jay, snootchie bootchies," he said. "Jay?" said the voice on the other end. It was a girl. "Hey Holly! What's up?" asked Jay.

"I miss you."
"Yeah I miss you too babe."
"How much longer are you guys going to be in Japan working on that video game?"
"Not much longer, Holly. We'll be home soon. How's the shop?"
"It's going great! We're doing a Cosplay themed sale right now and it's getting loads of customers!"
"Great! Glad to hear!"

"Ima sugu isoide!" said the guard.

"Who's that?" asked Holly. "Oh that's Tetsuya Nomura," said Jay, "He's the game director and my boss. He's telling me to get back to work. Yo don't worry I'm on it Tetsy baby! Listen Holly I gotta go. We'll be home soon, just you wait. I love you." "I love you too," said Holly. The guard hung up the phone.

Just then another Yakuza member walked in and talked to the guard. Jack didn't understand what they were saying, but it must have been important because the two Yakuza left them. "Looks like we're all alone." said Jack. "But what are we gonna do?" "Shit, ya got me," said Jay, "If only there was some way we could—" Silent Bob freed himself. Turns out he had swiped a knife and was cutting his way out all that time. "Way to go Silent Bob!" said Jack as Silent Bob freed them. "Now let's get out of here."