Titanic 2: Electric Boogaloo

Chapter 14

Jack, Jay and Silent Bob had the Yakuza tied up in Connor's basement. "You sure Connor will be ok with us doing this while he, Rey and Leia are out of the house?" asked Jack, "Yeah he's cool like that," said Jay. "Alright pal," Jack said to the Yakuza. "Start talking!" "Hanashi hajimeru!" exclaimed Jay. Jack gave Jay a confused look. "It means start talking in Japanese," explained Jay. "But it's the only bit of Japanese I know, so The Slim Jim Formally Known as Lunchbox can take over since he's fluent in it." Silent Bob nodded in agreement. Then he walked over to the Yakuza and just stood there. "Nanishiteruno?" asked the Yakuza. Silent Bob didn't say a word, he just stood there. "Nanishiteruno?" the Yakuza repeated. Silent Bob pointed to Jay. Jay nodded and turned on a boombox (Jack knew what it was because they had shown him it). Music started playing and Silent Bob started dancing. It was instrumental at first then the lyrics came in.

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you

Silent Bob pulled out a knife. "Uh, what's he doing?" asked Jack. Silent Bob slowly walked towards the Yakuza and started slowly moving the knife towards his ear, terrifying him. "Jay, you never told me we were doing this!" whispered Jack angrily. "Don't worry man, he's fuckin' bluffing," Jay whispered back. Silent Bob was almost at the ear when finally the Yakuza cracked.

"Daijōbu watashi wa hanashimasu!" he cried, "Watashitachiha kōgeki irai zutto anata no ato o otte kimashita! Soshite watashitachi wa anata ni zutto koko o otta! Watashitachi no rīdā wa anata o korosu tame ni ima kono masani sono ba ni kite imasu!" Silent Bob's eyes grew wide when he heard this.

"What is it Flat Stanley?" asked Jay. "The Yakuza leader's on his way here!" exclaimed Silent Bob for the first time since he and Jay found Jack, "We have to get the fuck out of here right n—" Upstairs, they heard a crash and the sound of men shouting in Japanese. "Shit!" yelled Jack. "Come on!" They darted up the stairs, but it was too late. Three Yakuza had their guns aimed at them. And then a man walked in, he was older and had a scar running down his left eye. Unlike all the other Yakuza who wore black suits, his was light grey. "So," he said, speaking English, "We finally meet."