Behind Closed Doors ( Chris Motionless)

Chapter 32: Memories

It's been months since the glass window incident, and we still haven't figured out who threw that brick. We figured maybe a MIW hater did it. I've been rehearsing with the band too, and our first gig is in tomorrow night! Chris and the guys are working on a new album called "Reincarnate", I've went to the studio with them, and heard some of the songs while they were recording, they're really good. My favorite one so far is Everybody sells Cocaine.

Today at reheasal, the guys weren't actually themselves today. James wasn't really paying attention, Chase kept messing up, and Johnnie dropped his drum sticks every five minutes.

"What's the matter with you guys? You're never like this, what's up?!" I ask as I talk into the mic, testing it out.

"We're nervous, Liz," James sighed out.

"Yeah, we're performing for the first time in front of an actual crowd," Johnnie added as he plays with the sticks.

"What are you guys, worried about, we're not bad, we're actually really good," I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What if we mess up?" Johnnie blurted out.

"That's why we practice, we're a team, we can do this," I assured them.

"Now, let's start from the top again," I said.

After hours of rehearsal, we all decided to go home, and get to bed so we won't be tired for the gig. I realized that in two days, it would be a year since my mom died. I felt a cold chill go down my spine. I miss her very much. I took out a cigarette and puffed it. I officially went back to smoking. I went back to smoking about two months ago. I called Chris so he could pick me up. In a matter of minutes, he arrived.

"How was rehearsal?" he asked as he drove off, I shrugged throwing out my cigarette butt.

"The guys are nervous,"

"Once the adrenaline pumps, they'll get over it," Chris assured, putting a hand on my knee. I sighed, putting my now half black, half green hair behind my ears. I dyed one side of my head black, and the other green. Ghost helped me, and I love it. A lot about me has changed over these last six months. I not only have spider bites, but now I have my nose pierced, belly button pierced, and I have my mom's name tatted on my right wrist, and jack skelington on the side of my left leg.

"What's wrong, baby?" Chris noticed my sad presence. All I could think about was my mother. I think about her everyday, and every night and how much fun we used to have. She was my only best friend, and even though she was going through hell with Dean, she kept smiling. She stayed strong until her very last breath. A tear fell from my eye and landed in my palms.

"I miss my mother....her one year anniversary is sunday..." I sniffled, and looked at her name on my wrist. "Caroline," with thorns going through it and black hearts on either side of the name.

Chris sighed as if he knew her and became a bit sad too. He held my hand and squeezed it, keeping his eyes on the road.

"She'd really like you, sometimes we'd sit in my room and just fangirl over your albums...her favorite member was Ryan though, but she would always talk about you and say nice things about you," A small smile spread across my face. Chris grinned. Then it faded away.

"I'm sorry about your loss, L...but believe me, she's better off-"

"yeah, I know...it's a shame how fucked up people are on this earth, it's just sad how every one hurts each other to the point you're ready to give up and die..." I said.

A wave of depression suddenly comes crashing over me. When we got home, I dragged myself to the bathroom, I turned on the shower and closed the door, I stared at my reflection. I smiled faintly as I studied my skin. No scars. I stopped cutting for good. Chris made me gather all the things I used to cut with and put them all in a small box, and we walked to the deck we always go to when we want to escape from the house at night. We looked over the railing and stared into our reflection in the water, and then he nodded his head. I took a deep breath and dumped the sharp objects in the little stream of the lake. I remember how relieved I felt. I hugged chris tightly and we watched the stars all night. I haven't cut since then, and I don't plan on doing it again.

I snap back into reality from my flashback and slid off my Chiodos shirt, revealing my red laced bra, I then slid off my jeans revealing my black laced panties. I suddenly feel a pair of hands grasping onto my waist, and his lips made contact with my neck. His hands spins me around, and our eye met.

"I love you.." he whispers.

"I love you.." I smiled.

"I didn't hear you come in," I added.

He smirked and slid off his shirt.

"I know..we have a shower to attend to," a devilish grin appeared his face as he strips the rest of me, then stripping himself.

After our shower, we changed into our pajamas. I slid on scooby doo pants and a green lantern shirt. Chris slid on his misfits shirt and black basketball shorts.

"shall we play?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"we just finished playing,"

"No, you dirty girl, I meant hockey!" he pulled me into the leaving room. turning on the XBOX, giving me a controller.

"You're going down," I threatened.

During the game, I couldn't concentrate clearly. Memories and flashbacks of my mother slid into my mind every five minutes. You can easily say that I miss her a lot. Sometimes, I just think about giving Dean a visit and give him what he deserves, he gave my mother hell while she was dying. He beatened and abused her, I immediately got pissed as I thought about all the times he'd hurt her. My fingers pressed frantically on the controller. I could see Chris look at me from the corner of my eye, he then looked at how fast my thumbs were moving.

"Babe, slow down," he said letting out a dry laugh. I didn't pay much attention. My eyes were glued on tv, but all I saw was Dean beating my mom. I tried closing my eyes a few times, then opening them again. The image would go away, but come back. After losing a few games, I dropped the controller and looked into space-where Dean's punches were meeting my mom's face. I began to breathe heavy.

"Babe.."Chris sounding alarmed.

I swallowed down some heavy air in my throat, and stood up, putting my hands on either side of my head. I could hear my mother screams.

"stop...." I whispered..

"stop..stopstop...stop...stop it..." I continued, this time it got louder.

"Stop what, Liz?" Chris asks sounding concerned and yet confused.

The screaming wouldn't stop, I hear her, I smell her, I see her...I see HIM. Even with my eyes closed.

"Stop it...stop...FUCKING STOOOOPP!!!"

Everything stopped. I didn't see them anymore, I didn't hear the screams. I opened my eyes and moved my hands away from my head, looking at Chris. He looked a bit scared and confused. He put his hand over his mouth.

"What was that about?" He asked.

I looked in front of me, where I saw Dean and Mom. All i see now is a wall with a framed hockey jersey hanging on it. I wiped my teary eyes and immediately ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

"what the fuck..." I whispered to myself, pacing back and forth, I stopped and leaned over the sink. I switched on the water and splashed my face with cold water.

knockknockknock

"Babe, you okay?"

I dried off my face, then opened the door.

"I'm fine...just tired." I replied.

Chris nodded, we headed off to bed.