God, It Could Power the Sun

Who?

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF HOMOPHOBIA, MENTIONS OF TOXIC MASCULINITY, MENTIONS OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.

Tyler's eyes widened and filled with concern as soon as the words left his boyfriend's lips. "I–who? That's not–no. I love you."

"My thoughts. Are you sure you love me?" Josh ran a hand through his hair, nervously waiting for an answer. Any minute, he thought, Tyler will say how much he hates me, won't he? Blurry was right, wasn't he? There's no way Tyler loves me. He's too perfect. Too perfect...

"Yeah, I'm positive." He moved slightly closer to Josh, and grabbed onto his hands. "...your thoughts have a name?"

"You don't sound sure."

Tyler shook his head, sighing. "I really do love you, okay? So much." His voice gained confidence as he spoke, because he did love Josh. He loved Josh with all of his heart, and nothing could change that for him.

Josh smiled to himself at the boy's words. "I love you too, Ty," he said softly, as the smaller of the two leaned over and tilted his head up to give him a short kiss. Josh wasn't expecting the kiss, though, causing him to back away.

He noticed the hurt in Tyler's eyes immediately. So, to make it up to him, Josh presented a much deeper, longer kiss to his boyfriend.

There was a knock on the door, followed by a nurse walking in as the two boys pulled away from each other. "I just came to give you a bit of an update," she said with a grin. "The doctor said you'll be able leave the hospital tonight or tomorrow. I'll let you know very soon." She offered a small wave before leaving the room.

Josh looked over at Tyler, who was smiling with bright eyes. "And then you can come home!"

"Where I can spend more time with you." Tyler nodded and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in the crook of the other's neck. He reached a hand up to his blue hair, twirling the curls around his index finger for a while before the nurse came in again.

"Okay," she said, "so. We have to run a few tests, which shouldn't take that long, and you should be able to leave in a few hours or so."

Josh simply nodded, though he was incredibly excited. The nurse looked at Tyler, who got the signal that he should leave for the time being. So, he got up and walked to the lobby, leaving Josh with a short peck on the lips. He sat down in one of the blue chairs lining off-white walls, and pulled his phone out from his back pocket. He noticed a text from his mom.

Ma: How is Josh doing? Let me know. and when ishe coming home?

Ty: josh is doing great, ma. he's coming home in a few hours,, i'll see you then

Ma: Oh good! Make sure to 'let him grab his cclothes from his place.

She wasn't the best at typing.

Tyler sighed and opened Instagram, scrolling through his explore page and declining follow requests from old men with crap like 'مرحبًا حبيبي' in the captions of their posts.

That got boring too soon, though, and he eventually decided to kill some time by taking a walk.

When he pushed open the glass doors at the exit of the hospital, he was met with a killer wave of heat. As if he needed more clarification that it was July. He sighed, and began heading west. He almost didn't notice when the treehouse came into view.

He hadn't gone to the treehouse since June. He wasn't sure if he should go in. It almost felt wrong, odd, as if entering would cause something horrible to happen.

But no, Tyler thought, that's implausible.

With cautious steps, he proceeded to the wooden ladder of his and Josh's treehouse. Climbing in, he noticed everything inside to be in the same position, same place, which was not a surprise.

What was a surprise, however, was an addition the the furnishing that Tyler had never seen before.

He went over and knelt down next to it, reading the gold lettering aloud to himself;

"Josh's Journal."

The brunet was torn; if he read it, he would be breaking his boyfriend's trust.

But, he had been so, so worried about Josh lately. Maybe it would be best to just check on him...

Tyler placed a hand on the soft leather cover, picked it up, and slowly opened the journal to one of the first few pages.

march 4

today i went bike riding with tyler again. we went to the treehouse, too. when we got there i saw this...shadow. i mean, i thought i did? i looked at it for a little while, but when i blinked, it disappeared. tyler asked me what was wrong and i said 'nothing' but it really hurt to lie to him. he's so cute. he's sweet, too. i really do like him a lot.

Tyler's reading came to a stop. He hadn't even finished the entry, yet he felt a shiver run down his spine. He remembered that day vividly. It was the day Josh dyed his hair for the first time, and that was probably mentioned later in the book. He'd colored it fuchsia, and all the other kids at school made fun of him for it. They didn't have much of a problem with Josh dyeing his hair, of course, just that it was pink; a "girl's color."

Tyler had wanted to help him through that, but he had pierced his ears over the weekend. So, both of them were being called names on that fateful Monday back in sixth grade, and Tyler had honestly gotten the worst of it. That made it much harder for him to be there for the other.

Tyler doesn't wear earrings anymore.

He decided to skip over the rest of that entry, as it would just repeat the memory.

march 23

tyler and i started a band today!! i play the drums and the trumpet, and tyler sings and sometimes he plays piano and ukulele. he has a really pretty voice, i love it a lot.

The words left Tyler with a big smile on his face. Twenty One Pilots never did take off, but they still occasionally played music together when they felt like it.

may 16

Tyler almost didn't want to read. Josh wrote this one the day before he attempted suicide. Tyler had to read it, though. He had to.

the shadow thing is back. i think i'm going crazy. it's watching me write this. just staring at me. i'm cold. nothing helps. i think i'm going crazy. maybe i am. am i going crazy? i've got to be. i'm going cra—

The writing led off the page in a shaky inked line, leaving the entry unfinished. Tyler wanted to forget that page. He wanted to leave it behind, never to be seen again. Wanted to let it burn.

He couldn't do that, though, because this journal was not his.

He could, however, flip to another page from when they were a bit younger.

december 29

i'm coming out to mom and dad today.

Tyler looked over to the next page of only four words written. And those four words shattered Tyler's heart, just as they had when Josh told him the first time around.

they kicked me out.

He had refused to live at Tyler's house, though it hadn't been his choice at all. He had been forced by Blurry to stay in the treehouse. But Tyler, of course, did not know that. And wouldn't.

Every day since, Tyler had come to visit him in the treehouse. That, or Josh went to his place. He may as well have been living there anyway, at that point.

Tyler looked at the time on his phone; it had been almost an hour. Time flies, Tyler thought. He decided to scroll through some things on his phone for a while longer.

(A/N: please feel free to ask any questions about things here at any time and i'll be glad to answer them! i understand that things in GICPTS can get slightly confusing at times.)