God, It Could Power the Sun

Knew

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS/DESCRIPTIONS OF JOSH'S SUICIDE, OFFICERS, PARAMEDICS, DISASSOCIATION, FUNERAL, VOMIT. THIS IS A VERY HEAVY CHAPTER. STAY SAFE AND PLEASE REFER TO THE NUMBERS IN THE BEGINNING IF NEEDED.

Tyler yawned when he woke up. His immediate reaction to the harsh light against his eyelids was to roll over and cuddle into Josh like he always did.

Josh wasn't there this time, though, and Tyler frowned when he realized Josh had probably gone to work early.

He rubbed his eyes, wiping the gross crust leftover from the many tears he'd shed last night, and turned his head slightly to peek out the window. He could see Josh's car parked in the driveway. Maybe he had gone to sleep on the couch? He did that when he came home late, sometimes; he didn't want to wake Tyler up.

Tyler shook his head vigorously to get his blood rushing, and stood up. He walked to the nursery, where both of his children were sound asleep. He smiled slightly, looking at Jonny and paying close attention to the way his' and Josh's noses were exactly the same.

Maddy had been their surrogate mother. She'd offered, actually, when told that Tyler and Josh were thinking about kids. There had been many tears.

The smile on his face faded when he realized how badly he needed to use the bathroom. He left Jonathan and Rue's room, heading to the one across the hall that, oddly, had its door closed.

When Tyler barged into the bathroom, he didn't want to use the toilet anymore.

He sank to his knees, mouth opening even though words failed to come out. Tears ran down his face as he stared at his husband—his husband—in utter horror. Tyler's gaze burned into the rope, trying to break it, maybe, to make it snap with a single thought. It wasn't working, though, and the man was soon hyperventilating.

He cried out, closing his eyes and sobbing into his hands. He tried to remember Josh's voice; "Breathe, Tyler. In, and out, okay? Breathe, baby," but it wasn't working and he just couldn't bring himself to stop the tears from flowing.

Josh was gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

That's the only word that played in Tyler's head. It was like a broken record. Josh liked records.

Weeping, he staggered back to his room, a shaky hand picking up his phone.

"Hey, Tyler!" Maddy said, oblivious to the pain that made his legs and arms and eyes and brain want to give out. "What's up?

"Maddy..." He sniffed. He could do it. He could tell her. "Josh—" was all he could add before he started crying again.

"What—what? What happened with Josh?"

He struggled to reply, only mumbled and choppy sounds leaving his lips.

Maddy clearly took this as an invite. And, rightfully so, as Tyler didn't know what he'd do if Maddy didn't come over.

She hung up, and Tyler threw his phone down onto the bed. He trudged slowly downstairs, stumbling a few times due to his blurry vision. He made sure to close the bathroom door.

Though it was merely 7 minutes, it felt like forever before Maddy arrived. Her eyes made their way to her brother, who was sulking on the couch, weeping into his pillow. "Oh my God. Are you okay? Oh my God."

She rushed over to him, pulling him into her arms and hugging him as tightly as possible. He sniffled and clung to her for dear life, burying his face in her chest. He used to do this with Josh when he was sad.